Ghost Time

got on the wrong train. So they got off at the next stop to turn around, and she walked them over to check the map, and Cam couldn’t even read the names of the stations, but he read the map, following the lines, and he got them right back to their hotel. Karen said he was really happy, because he got to save the day.
    Close as you ever got to being a Boy Scout, I’m sure, I said, laughing, seeing he was still proud of himself for saving the day. NBN , he said, looking all smug, and I just nodded, refusing to take the bait. Go on, ask, he said. Ask me, Thea—ask me what NBN stands for? I was just like, No, it’s all right, and Karen got up from the table, mumbling, Oh, here we go, and Cam goes, Natural Born Ninja: invisible. Even when I’m standing right behind you , he said, before standing up straight, fanning both hands at himself, like, what can you do? Then he stood up from the table and did a jujitsu punch-block move or something, then bowed at Karen, and then bowed at me. I mean, for all his humility and his quietness, sometimes, he’s just too much, you know?
    Saturdays, whenever we’d go for drives, sometimes he actually tried to get us lost, taking random back roads, no GPS, no map in his car, nothing—almost like he wanted to know how it felt, because he couldn’t do it. Kind of reminded me of all the times in the ocean, when I’d lay back, floating, and I’d try to sink to the bottom, but couldn’t sink in the saltwater. Really, when they moved from California, Cam drove almost the whole way, Karen said, and he didn’t look at a map once. Got the GPS right here, baby, he’d say, tapping his temple, and I was just like, Ohmygod .
    Anyhow, he’d just stop at a stop sign on some dirt road, and he’d say, What do you think, Thee? Left or right? I hated him asking me that, too, because I knew I’d get us lost, except I’d be the only one in the car who was lost; Cam would be fine. In the woods, too, when we’d park somewhere, get out to hike around a bit, I always let him lead. I’d follow behind, with my camera, able to space out, watch the trees, the leaves, the back of his head, his neck.
    Then this one time, we were walking on this hilly path; it was pretty narrow, and there were bushes on both sides of the path, and I stopped, because I was shooting film, and I wanted to check on something. But when I looked up, Cam was gone—vanished. There was this hill, and he’d been walking up it, like fifty feet in front of me, so I walked to the top of the hill, up the path, and I called his name, and he didn’t call back. I started walking, and I told him to come out, because it wasn’t funny, but it was silent. It was only two minutes, maybe, but I kept calling him, and then he jumped out at me, scaring me half to death. So I screamed at the top of my lungs, and then I couldn’t even hear my own voice, my heart was pounding so fast.
    Cam was so pleased with himself, too, I wanted to punch him, but I didn’t, I just glared at him. He goes, You want to hit me? looking at my fist, still clenched, and I said, Yes, and he goes, Go on, stepping toward me, offering his arm. I go, No, I’m not going to hit you. Because violence is not the answer. Deeply satisfying, but not the answer, I said, turning around and walking away. I’m sorry, he said. Thea, come on—I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think it’d scare you so badly, but I was still so scared, all I could do was beangry, while he kept calling me. Finally, I just wanted him to be quiet, so I turned around and I go, What? What, Cam, what do you want?! And he goes, You’re going the wrong way. The car’s this way, he said, cocking his head in front of him. Oh, I said.
    I walked past, quiet the whole way. When we got in the car, closing both doors, I just sat there, staring straight ahead. Still, watching him back out, heading back down the dirt road, wherever we were, I realized something. One of the differences between us is getting lost has never been a problem for me, really. My problem is getting found.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 4, 2011
    (FOUR WEEKS LATER)
    5:32 PM
    I can’t figure out what it is, exactly. I mean, is it really just chemicals that give you that giddy, tingly feeling when you meet someone, when you make a new friend? I felt that for Cam, but it’s totally different with girls. It reminds me of that cotton candy smell that you never think about, and then, out of nowhere, when you smell that sugar in the air and you see the man