Ghost Time

dark? Knox nodded, not understanding. I go, Knox, I just need a dark room, okay? And he goes, Oh. How’s the guest bathroom? I go, Perfect.
    So we walked to the end of the hall, I went in, and he stood there, at the door, and I said, You have to come in. So he came in, with me, and it was tight, like big enough for a sink and a toilet, and I said, You aren’t going to believe this, and I started unbuttoning my shirt. And he goes, Whoa—whoa, don’t, don’t—what are you doing? I go, Please. I have to show you my shoulder. Now turn out the lights; give me a little privacy. He goes, Thea, tell me—tell me this isn’t going to look as bad as it looks right now? I go, No, it’s not. It’s going to look a lot worse. Now would you just turn out the lights? So he did, leaning as far away from me as he could, and then I pulled my shirt down, showing him my shoulder blade.
    I couldn’t even see him. You couldn’t see anything except my tattoo, glowing even brighter than I remembered it in the middle of the night. Then, finally, Knox goes: What, what, what is that?Is that like some sort of highlighter or paint? I said, It’s not a highlighter or paint. I have a scar on my shoulder, and it’s a heart with an arrow drawn through it. It’s a glow-in-the-dark tattoo, right through my scar. He goes, Wow , I never heard of a glow-in-the-dark tattoo, and I go, Probably because they don’t exist! You saw it, right? And he said, I saw it, all right. I go, Good. Now look, I said, turning on the light and pulling my shirt down again, so he could see. He leaned forward, looking, and I go, You can’t see it now, can you? And he goes, Calm down, and I go, Knox, don’t tell me to calm down, you aren’t the one who’s fucking glowing in the dark here!
    He winced, and then he goes: Does it hurt? And I said, No. No, I can’t feel it at all, and then he said, Thea, we need to take you to a doctor—. No, I said: no doctor, no lawyers, no trouble. And he said, Thea, please, we—. I said, We what, Knox? He shut his mouth. No means no, I said, ending the discussion. All of a sudden, he snapped his fingers, and he goes, Hold on, hold on a second, shading my shoulder, then he goes, Holy shit. And he turned out the light, and I go, What are you doing? The bathroom flickered green a bunch of times, and then he turned the light back on. That’s what I thought: dash, dash, he said. Morse—it’s Morse code, Thea. I said, You know Morse code? And he goes, Used to. I was in the military. I go, You were in the military? Knox goes, Iraq, one, and I go, Can you read it? He goes, I’m a little rusty, but let’s see. Dot dash; dot dot dot; dash dash dot dash… A, S, Q, he said, and I said, U? A, S, Q, U, right? And he said, Yes, how’d you know? Then I turned on the light, and Knox goes, I’m not done, and I go, No, but Iknow what it means, and he goes, You do? And I said, A, S, Q: A squared plus B squared equals C squared, and if the length of both A and B are known, then C can be calculated as follows…. Knox nodded his head, with no idea what I was talking about. I said, It’s a message, and he goes, What’s the message? Then I pulled up my shirt and opened the door. He’s alive. For the first time, I felt happy again, this surge in my chest, because I knew it was true. I go, It means Cam’s alive.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2011
    (SIX WEEKS EARLIER)
    2:34 PM
    Let’s get lost, that’s Cam’s favorite game. I’m serious, he’s in love with the idea of getting lost. Like, I’d get into his car, and he’d give me a kiss, and then he’d say, You know what we should do today, babe? We should get lost—let’s just get lost, huh? And then I’d smile and nod my head, like, sounds great, Cam. Give it your best shot. Because, see, the problem is, Cam has this innate sense of direction. Cam’s never gotten lost in his life. Seriously, he has no idea how that feels, how scary it is, not knowing where you’re going or where you are. For him, it sounded like a great time, like what a blast.
    We were in their kitchen, talking, once, and Karen told me about this time they took him to London when he was a little boy and his dad had some conference there or something. So Karen and Cam had the day to explore, and the first day they went out, they got on the Tube, and it was so crowded, Karen got confusedand they missed their stop somehow. So they got out at the next stop, and Karen tried turning around, but she was so disoriented, she