Ghost Time

at her, and it’s like seeing the best part of being a girl. It’s the part I’m not , she said: free . When she said that, I didn’t know what to say, you know, but my throat clenched, so I stared at the picture, not saying anything. And then I felt like, like I’d screwed up. Like I tried to bring her this gift, and all I thought about was the freedom of the picture, or the way I saw it, at least, and I didn’t think that she’d feel more trapped, not less.
    Then she goes, It’s all right. Really, it’s okay. I’m so happy you brought it , she said, smiling at me, and then her eyes moved back to the picture again. I go, Wait, did you hear that, can you hear what I’m thinking, Mel? I suddenly felt paranoid she could read my mind, too, and Melody goes, No , laughing at me. But I can read the look on your face , she said. Honestly, it’s the nicest gift anyone has ever brought me , she said. We sat there a minute, quiet, and then she said, Thea, do me a favor? Course, I said, what’s that? Show me that, what’s it called, Flickr? she said, and I laughed. I’ll show it to you, next time I come over, and she goes, Promise you’ll come back soon? I go, Promise. I’ll ask your dad when I leave, and she goes, Yeah, definitely don’t ask my mom , and then I said, Why does she hate me, Mel? And Mel said, She doesn’t hate you, Thea. I think it’s just because she knows something is up, and we can’t tell her, okay? Ever.
    I didn’t know what to say, and then I go, What about the picture? Will your mom take it away? And she goes, No, it’s not like that. But just in case, tell my dad , and I go, Tell him what, exactly? Thea, tell him to step up and put his foot down , she said in this tone, like, drr . She goes, What did God give him legs for, you know? I started laughing, thinking about telling Knox to put his foot down, and I go, All right. Listen, I said, I have to go. I just wanted to bring this by, and she goes, Thank you, Thea. It’s beautiful , and I started to say, Just like you, but I didn’t. The thing is, I knew then—I knew perfectly well that I’d wish I had for a long, long time. I’d wish I’d spoken up, that I’d been as brave as Melody was, looking at a picture of a girl jumping into the sky, free as a bird, straight as a board, and saying exactly what she thought and felt.
    Standing there, in the middle of Melody’s froufrou room—it was like those people who love to boast how they’ve lived their whole life without a single regret, and I don’t know what that means. Seriously, why is that something to boast about? Because at that moment, I felt like maybe there are some regrets worth having, because they’re the kind you learn from, the kind you’ll be so happy to leave behind. Who knows when, but the day you’re finally ready to jump, when the sky calls your name, it’ll be so sweet. When I left their house that day, heading home, I knew when that day comes for me, just before I left all the regret behind of not speaking up like I should have, I knew I’d remember that picture and standing beside Melody, and that whethershe knew it or not, she was more like that girl then than I could ever be.
    When their sitter got there, Knox gave me a ride home, and he saw me unzip my bag, rearranging some things. I pulled out a script, and he goes, What’s that? You writing a novel? And I go, It’s my script—well, our script—Cam and I were working on it, and I’ve been carrying it around. Oh, he said, raising his brow. So you’re working on a script together? And I shrugged, why not? We have a few different scripts, I said, and he goes, Can I ask what it’s about, your script? I go, Yes, but I won’t tell you, and he looked over at me and he goes, Why not? And I said, Because that would be telling, Knox, but he didn’t get it. I said, That would be telling, The Prisoner ? Information! Information! He just stared, and I go, You’ve never seen The Prisoner ? Never mind. I go, It’s a script about an arsonist in a wax museum. It’s about this guy, this mastermind arsonist who decides the crowning achievement of his brilliant career would be burning down Madame Tussauds—the one in London. He gets totally obsessed, too, like he fantasizes about watching them all burn—Marilyn, Liberace, Cher, Posh Spice, everyone is going to melt.
    So he’s got it all planned, I said, every last detail, but then, when he gets there, he falls in love with this girl working at the gift