Good Omens

I’m not sure I got that … ” he began.
    I DID. LET US GO.
    Shutzi gave a little yelp and darted behind R. P. Tyler, where it remained, shivering.
    The strangers climbed back onto their bikes. The one in white (a hippie, by the look of him, thought R. P. Tyler) dropped an empty crisp packet onto the grass shoulder.
    â€œExcuse me ,” barked Tyler. “Is that your crisp packet?”
    â€œOh, it’s not just mine,” said the boy. “It’s everybody’s.”
    R. P. Tyler drew himself up to his full height. 53 “Young man,” he said, “how would you feel if I came over to your house and dropped litter everywhere?”
    Pollution smiled, wistfully. “Very, very pleased,” he breathed. “Oh, that would be wonderful .”
    Beneath his bike an oil slick puddled a rainbow on the wet road.
    Engines revved.
    â€œI missed something,” said War. “Now, why are we meant to make a U-turn by the church?”
    JUST FOLLOW ME, said the tall one in front, and the four rode off together.
    R. P. Tyler stared after them, until his attention was distracted by the sound of something going clackclackclack . He turned. Four figures on bicycles shot past him, closely followed by the scampering figure of a small dog.
    â€œYou! Stop!” shouted R. P. Tyler.
    The Them braked to a halt and looked at him.
    â€œI knew it was you, Adam Young, and your little, hmph, cabal. What, might I enquire, are you children doing out at this time of night? Do your fathers know you’re out?”
    The leader of the cyclists turned. “I can’t see how you can say it’s late ,” he said, “seems to me, seems to me , that if the sun’s still out then it’s not late .”
    â€œIt’s past your bedtime, anyway,” R. P. Tyler informed them, “and don’t stick out your tongue at me, young lady,” this was to Pepper, “or I will be writing a letter to your mother informing her of the lamentable and unladylike state of her offspring’s manners.”
    â€œWell ’scuse us,” said Adam, aggrieved. “Pepper was just looking at you. I didn’t know there was any lor against looking .”
    There was a commotion on the grass. Shutzi, who was a particularly refined toy French poodle, of the kind only possessed by people who were never able to fit children into their household budgets, was being menaced by Dog.
    â€œMaster Young,” ordered R. P. Tyler, “please get your—your mutt away from my Shutzi.” Tyler did not trust Dog. When he had first met the dog, three days ago, it had snarled at him, and glowed its eyes red. This had impelled Tyler to begin a letter pointing out that Dog was undoubtedly rabid, certainly a danger to the community, and should be put down for the General Good, until his wife had reminded him that glowing red eyes weren’t a symptom of rabies, or, for that matter, anything seen outside of the kind of film that neither of the Tylers would be caught dead at but knew all they needed to know about, thank you very much.
    Adam looked astounded. “Dog’s not a mutt . Dog’s a remarkable dog. He’s clever. Dog , you get off Mr. Tyler’s horrible ol’ poodle.”
    Dog ignored him. He’d got a lot of dog catching-up still to do.
    â€œDog ,” said Adam, ominously. His dog slunk back to his master’s bicycle.
    â€œI don’t believe you have answered my question. Where are you four off to?”
    â€œTo the air base,” said Brian.
    â€œIf that’s all right with you,” said Adam, with what he hoped was bitter and scathing sarcasm. “I mean, we wun’t want to go there if it wasn’t all right with you.”
    â€œYou cheeky little monkey,” said R. P. Tyler. “When I see your father, Adam Young, I will inform him in no uncertain terms that … ”
    But the Them were already pedaling off down the road, in the direction of Lower Tadfield Air Base—traveling by the Them’s route, which was shorter and simpler and more scenic than the route suggested by Mr. Tyler.
    R. P. TYLER HAD COMPOSED a lengthy mental letter on the failings of the youth of today. It covered falling educational standards, the lack of respect given to their elders and betters, the way they always seemed to slouch these days instead of walking with a proper upright bearing, juvenile delinquency, the return of