Hammered

singing the execrable song with all the gusto at our disposal, a bit wild-eyed and panicked in the snow. Perun and Zhang Guo Lao weren’t familiar with it, but they learned quickly and joined us the second time around.
    Suttung the frost Jötunn stared at us in perplexed silence, embarrassed at his faux pas and half convinced that we were all mad.

Chapter 23
    Before our neural ganglions dissolved completely into mush, we were saved by the arrival of a black bird in a black sky. Leif’s superior night vision spotted it first, and it was a welcome distraction from the twin traumas of bearing witness to Hrym’s marital exercise and singing the most soul-destroying song ever written. There was some small illumination coming from various fires within the ice houses, which kept it from being pitch dark.
    » Maybe is Hugin and Munin? « Perun wondered aloud.
    » It cannot be. There is only one of them, « Väinämöinen said.
    » What is it, then? « Gunnar asked.
    » Perhaps it is simply a bird, « Zhang Guo Lao said.
    Leif shook his head. » No, its blood smells wrong. «
    » Oh, bollocks, « I breathed, realizing who it must be even before the crow swooped down and shape-shifted into a milk-white naked woman. » It’s the Morrigan. « She’d followed me to the Norse plane. Like Druids, the Tuatha Dé Danann could travel anywhere, but they usually confined themselves to the Irish planes and earth out of courtesy to other pantheons.
    Her eyes glowed red as she approached, seemingly unaffected by the cold. I stole a quick glance at Suttung to gauge his reaction, and he appeared impressed and perhaps inclined to ask if the lady was spoken for. If he was smart and thought it through, he would realize that a woman with glowing red eyes will always speak for herself, and it would be best to keep his mouth shut.
    » Siodhachan Ó Suleabháin, « she said with spine-tingling minor chords in her voice, » I must speak with you ere you proceed with this madness. «
    I shivered uncontrollably. Freezing cold plus the Morrigan’s voice will do that to a guy. » Right. Of course. Let’s, uh, go speak. Guys, you think maybe you could get a fire going while I’m gone? I’ll talk to Hrym when I return. I mean, if he’s ready to talk. « I shivered again.
    They all assured me a fire would be no problem, don’t worry about a thing, see you soon, Atticus. The Morrigan and I walked west together, out where no one would be able to overhear us.
    » You are poorly dressed for this climate, « the Morrigan began, still utterly undressed herself.
    » Yeah, might you have a thermal blanket in one of your pockets? « I asked.
    The Morrigan continued as if I hadn’t spoken. » It suggests how poorly planned your entire adventure is. This is most unwise. Surely you realize I cannot help you in Asgard? Even here, in Jötunheim, I cannot protect you. If you die, the Valkyries will take you wherever they wish. «
    » Yeah, about the Valkyries. Turns out they can’t choose me to be slain. «
    The Morrigan turned her head sharply and looked at my face to see if I was teasing her. Deciding I was serious, she asked, » How do you know this? «
    » I ran into them about a week ago and they tried to snuff me. My amulet turned cold but otherwise nothing happened. I came out ahead in that battle and I’m going back for round two. «
    » You’ll fight them directly? «
    » I don’t know. If they come after me, it’s possible. I’m not really interested in the fighting. I’m more interested in keeping my word to Leif, and that’s all about getting him to Asgard. I’m sure you wouldn’t advise me to become an oath-breaker when I have made an oath to you. «
    » Then why are you here talking to the frost Jötnar? « she asked. » You did not promise Leif you would recruit them, did you? Or promise to bring these other hangers-on? Drop the vampire off and be gone. Leave these other men behind. «
    » Morrigan, Thor is completely bereft of nobility. You should hear what he’s done to those lads. He’s a total choad-chomper. «
    » He is what? «
    » Never mind. Look, the more guys I bring with me, the more likely it is that I get away. I’m just going to let Leif take his shot and see how it turns out. If Thor kills him, we leave. If he kills Thor, we also leave. We’re not sticking around to lay waste to the entire plane. «
    » There will be dire consequences in either case, Siodhachan. «
    » I’ve already had this conversation with