If I Tell

gust of wind had started to chill me, so I tucked my hands under my butt to warm my fingers.
    “Sorry,” he said after he’d hung up. “Unpleasant business.”
    I shrugged, trying to pretend I didn’t know what he was up to. I pulled my guitar strap over my head and off my shoulder, then reached inside my guitar case and took out his twenty.
    “I wish I could sing like you,” he said.
    I held out the money to him. “I’m not that good.”
    He pulled his hands back to avoid the bill. “Uh. Yeah, you are.”
    “I’m not taking your money.” I frowned. “Seriously.”
    “I like to support the arts,” he said.
    I tried to shove the money at him, but he backed away, laughing.
    “I’m not the arts. I play for me. I don’t want money for my music.” I waved the money at him, wanting to get it out of my hand.
    “Everyone wants money. It’s called dough because we all ‘knead’ it.” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.
    I frowned at the cash in my fingers, holding it like it was tainting my fingers. “Are you making fun of me?”
    “Whoa. Definitely not fun making. If it fouls your mood that much, give me the money back. I just wanted you to know I admired your skills.” He held out his hand.
    I thrust the twenty inside his hand. “I don’t want your money.”
    “All the better for me. I like free stuff,” he said cheerfully. He folded the twenty and tucked it in his back pocket.
    “Hey, what’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” he asked.
    My eyebrows pressed together with my frown.
    “You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.” He grinned, and his smile was so ridiculous but infectious that the tight ball inside me relaxed a little. “Come on, Jaz. Don’t tell me I can’t even make you smile at a joke that bad. ”
    I shook my head and stared at him for a minute, trying to figure him out. He stared back. “You’re not like other boys in Tadita,” I told him. The wind gusted again and whipped his hair around. I zipped my jacket all the way up under my chin, wishing I’d brought a scarf.
    “And for that observation, I’m sure they would thank you,” he said.
    I smiled, and he pointed at my mouth and grinned. “Look! You smiled.”
    “I’m sorry,” I said.
    “About what?”
    “For being a B. I know you were just fooling around. It’s not you. It’s just that I’ve had kind of a bad day.” I turned to my guitar and lifted it, placing it gently back in its case and closing the case.
    “You want to talk about it?”
    “Not really.”
    He laughed. “Don’t hold back. Tell me how you really feel.”
    I slid off the picnic table and picked up my guitar case. I wished I could tell him. Well, maybe not him. But someone.
    “Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”
    I shook my head and started walking, not wanting to bawl like a big baby or something in front of him.
    “Jaz,” he called and walked toward me, catching up quickly with his longer legs. “I seem to keep saying the wrong thing. I just came over to see if you’re working tonight.”
    I remembered how he was new in town and probably didn’t have a lot of people to talk to. Outside of drug deals. Sighing, I slowed down a little so I wasn’t speed-walking to get away from him. “I just finished a shift.”
    “Oh. Too bad,” he said.
    Those simple words made a nice dent in my foul mood.
    We walked toward Grinds. “You heading inside?” he asked. “Want to have a coffee before I start work? I’ll even let you buy since you don’t want to take my money.” He grinned.
    I thought of Lacey still inside. “Nope. I have homework. I have to go home.”
    His expression changed and then he shrugged. “Okay. Well, see ya round,” he said.
    I started walking toward Grandpa’s car in the parking lot.
    “You’re pretty good with that guitar. It’s an Alvarez, right?” Jackson called.
    I stopped and turned back. “How’d you know that?”
    “I know some things. People might surprise you if you look harder. Sometimes you have to look beneath the surface.”
    I wondered if I even wanted to know what he meant and decided, no, I didn’t.

chapter four
    The holidays came and went. I managed to avoid my mom and dodge her calls until she caught me off guard by calling my cell from an unlisted number. I’d just finished a shift at Grinds, and when I answered and heard her voice, I swiveled on my chair away from Lacey. She’d parked herself at my table and was across from me, sipping coffee and