If I Tell

flipping through a celebrity magazine.
    I zoned out as Mom went on and on about me not returning her calls. She kept talking, but I didn’t pay attention until I heard her calling my name.
    “Jaz? Jaz? Are you listening?”
    I refocused on her voice. “Sorry, what did you say?”
    “I said Simon wants to take us out for supper tomorrow night. Do you think you could possibly make it this time?” Even over the phone her crankiness was tangible. Pregnancy seemed to be catching up with her fast. “You haven’t seen him since Christmas.”
    “Uh. Sorry. I already have plans.” I chewed my fingernail and swirled back to face the table but kept my eyes off Lacey.
    Mom blew out a big breath of air. “Okay,” she finally said, her voice strained as if she was trying really hard not to freak out on me. “So when? What’s your work schedule like this week?”
    “Busy, very busy.” I said, and glanced up. Lacey was pretending not to eavesdrop as she licked her finger and flipped a magazine page.
    “Come on, Jasmine. You’ve ignored Simon since you found out we’re pregnant. He’s tried giving you space, but he thinks you’re still mad at him. He’s going to be the father of your brother or sister and your stepfather, so deal with it.” She sighed loudly.
    I chewed my lip. “He’s not my stepfather unless there was a wedding I didn’t hear about.”
    “Well, he might be someday. Jaz, what’s the matter? You and Simon used to get along great. What’s going on? Is it the baby?”
    “No. It’s nothing. I’m just super busy. Actually, I’m working on homework right now, so I should really go.” I wanted to hang up. Forget Mom and her stupid baby. Forget her stupid boyfriend and the kiss I couldn’t wipe out of my memory no matter how hard I tried.
    Lacey looked up and raised her eyebrows, but I ignored her.
    “We need to work this out,” my mom said.
    “There’s nothing to work out.”
    “What’s wrong with you?” she snapped impatiently, definitely not sounding like her usual self.
    “Nothin’. I’ll talk to you later.” I pressed End.
    “Whatever,” I said, even though the phone had no dial tone. I shut it and threw it on the table.
    Lacey smirked at me. “Homework?” she asked. “I didn’t know you lied.”
    “You want me to tell her the truth about why I’m avoiding Simon?” I asked.
    Lacey looked down at her magazine, pretending she wasn’t the reason for my new case of liar, liar, pants on fire . My leg bounced up and down under the table, and I fought the urge to get up and bolt.
    Hands slid over my eyes then, blocking my sight. “Hey, sexy,” a deep burly voice growled in my ear, tickling my earlobe. “Want to run away with me?”
    “Hey, Nathan.” His voice was his most distinctive quality, rich and powerful, like a radio disc jockey’s.
    Nathan and Lacey were two misfits who’d been friends in high school. For once I was glad he constantly orbited around Lacey and always flirted with me. Usually it made me uncomfortable, but right then he was a welcome distraction.
    I pulled his hands off my eyes, turned to him, and smiled. He grinned down at me, looking a little surprised by the friendly welcome, but he gave me his trademark two-fingered “hang loose” sign. Bracelets dangled from his dark wrists, and gold chains twirled in layers around his neck. He had giant, fake diamond earrings in both ears. Bargain-basement bling. Nathan’s impression of big-city black. He’d visited New York a while back and returned to Tadita using gangsta slang.
    Most people around here just ignored him or stared at him like he was from another planet. Eventually he toned it down. Once when he’d been drunk, he’d told me that his cousin in New York accused him of acting white. I guess that’s what brought on the change. “I ain’t white,” he’d told me as if it was a bad thing. How was that supposed to make me feel? Had he looked at my mom lately?
    “How’d you know it was me?” Nathan turned his chair backward and straddled it.
    “Besides the fact that you reek like a forest fire from all your chain-smoking?” Lacey threw down her magazine. She made a face at him, but it was an old argument.
    The tiny old house that the two of them rented was messy and smelled like smoke, but despite her complaining, neither of them seemed to care. They’d moved in after high school, both needing to get away from home for different reasons: Lacey because stepfather number two