If I Tell

you’d meet her and Simon tonight. You’re meeting her at Pasta de Resistance at five.” Grandma leaned against the door. “Get out of bed.”
    I lay back. “I don’t want to go for dinner. I feel terrible.” I lifted my arm and draped it across my eyes.
    “Too bad.” I didn’t hear her budge from the doorway.
    I moved my arm away to glare at her. “Fine. I’m getting up.” My voice made me sound like an angry little kid, and I covered my face with my arm again.
    Grandma clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth. “Lacey also called. She’s got your backpack. She wanted to make sure you made it home okay, which I assured her you did. Now get up and shower before I change my mind and ground you.”
    “Okay, okay. I’ll go, I’ll go.” I sat up slowly, holding on to my head. I glanced at Grandma. “Headache,” I said.
    Usually she preferred old-fashioned cheek turning. She’d rather put on a pot of tea and talk about the weather than deal with stuff like this. Her lips disappeared into a straight line, but it had always been Grandpa’s job to talk to me about serious stuff.
    “You were drinking last night,” she said. Great. Suddenly she wanted confrontation instead of tea. Perfect timing.
    “Um.” I looked her in the eye. “I only drank a little.” The lie rolled off my tongue as if I’d been lying to her for years. I remembered being a kid and thinking she could read my mind. Except about the pool. She hadn’t read my mind on that one. I’d been thankful for that.
    She sighed. “You haven’t forgotten the things you promised Grandpa, have you, Jasmine?”
    I rubbed my eyes. I shook my head slowly so as not to hurt my brain. Grandpa wouldn’t have let me get away with any of this. He would have been furious at me for taking advantage of the freedom they gave me and getting drunk.
    “Jasmine.” Grandma pressed her lips together again. “I’m not clueless about what goes on with kids your age, but I’ve always trusted you to make good decisions. Safe sex. That’s why I let you stay out late. I don’t want you sneaking around.”
    “Grandma!” I did not want to have that conversation. Especially after last night when I’d actually gotten close to a member of the opposite sex for the first time in my life.
    “Well, how do you think you ended up being born?” she said in a crisp voice. “Osmosis?”
    “I know, I know. Leave me alone, okay? I’m not having sex.” Especially not with Nathan.
    She didn’t take her eyes off me. “Well, okay. But drinking will lead to bad decisions. You’re only seventeen.”
    “Almost eighteen.”
    Grandma gave me a look, and I shut my mouth. “Lacey is old enough to drink, but you’re not. You know I like her. But if you’re going to get into trouble…”
    Grandma let me hang with Lacey because it made both of us feel better that I had friends. Even if they were older.
    “It wasn’t Lacey’s fault.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I mean, she didn’t make me drink.” Not directly. I sat up and pulled my knees in close, trying to make myself smaller.
    “You have a mind of your own. I’m aware of that, but I worry about you. It’s my job. Now up. Shower. Out of bed. It’s not okay to hang around in bed all day.” She paused. “Drinking makes people do stupid things.”
    “Like getting pregnant?” I asked.
    Grandma crossed her arms and pressed her lips tighter.
    “Well, if Mom hadn’t gotten pregnant, I wouldn’t even be here for you to worry about.”
    Grandma stepped closer. “That’s not what I mean. We were blessed with you.” She cleared her throat. “If something is bothering you, you can talk to me, you know. Like you did with Grandpa. It’s not like you to drink. Is it?”
    “No. Everything’s fine.” I stared past her shoulder at a poster. “It was stupid. I’m sorry. I won’t get drunk again. I hated it. I feel terrible.” I sighed. “I miss Grandpa.”
    “Me too.” Grandma’s cheeks reddened. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. She needed to reapply her lipstick; she hated being without it. “Why don’t you talk to Simon?”
    “I don’t want to talk to him.”
    Grandma’s expression changed and she looked almost puzzled. “You’re still angry with him? You two have such a bond. I’ve loved that.”
    “You mean because we’re black?” I snapped.
    “Well, no.” Grandma hesitated and sat on the edge of my bed. “You’re not just black. You’re white too, right?” She