If I Tell

stared at each other, and then I spun around. My arm caught the corner of our tray. Food clattered on the floor, and the sound of it mixed with amused giggles from people sitting around us.
    I ran. I raced out into the mall, afraid he’d be on my heels. When it became obvious he wasn’t, I stopped. I dug inside my jacket pocket and grabbed my cell. Dialed. It rang once.
    “Hello?” said an impatient voice.
    I glanced around. “Mom? It’s me.” Simon definitely wasn’t following.
    “Jaz? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
    “Nothing’s wrong. I was just, you know, thinking about you.”
    “That’s sweet. But I’m at work and busy. Is there something important you need to talk to me about?” She sounded annoyed.
    I paused. “Not really.” Every fiber screamed at me to tell her. “I, um, wondered how you’re doing. With the pregnancy and all.”
    “I’m uncomfortable as hell. If this baby even thinks about being late, I will reach up and yank it out of my body myself.”
    I made a face. “Mom. Gross.”
    She sighed. “Well, you asked. Did Simon ask you to call me? To see if I was okay?”
    I didn’t answer.
    “Damn him. I told him not to.”
    So perceptive about some things and so oblivious about others.
    “He didn’t ask me to call. We kind of had a fight.”
    “Oh, Jaz. I really don’t have time for this now.” Mom sighed and lowered her voice. Her crisp, professional voice switched on. “Listen, honey. I’m about to see an important client. I have to go. Can we deal with this later?”
    “Never mind.” I paused. “It’s nothing,” I said. “I love you,” I added softly, but she’d already hung up.
    My fingers clutched the phone for a minute, and my eyes blinked fast to keep back the tears.
    “Hey.” A voice called, interrupting my thoughts.
    I wiped under my eyes and looked up at the instantly recognizable voice. Nathan.
    “What’re you doing at the mall? Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” He crossed his arms in front of himself.
    I pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
    “Mmm. Check out that brown sugar,” Nathan mumbled as a black girl with enormous hair extensions walked toward us. He didn’t take his eyes off her butt as she strutted past. “No matter what else, you black girls have the nicest asses.”
    “Who said I was black?”
    Nathan laughed and tore his eyes away from the girl’s butt. “Look in the mirror.”
    I crossed my arms. “My mom’s white.”
    Nathan shrugged. “So’s Halle Berry’s mom, but I don’t see her denying her heritage. She’s a proud black woman.”
    “Whatever.” Debating skin color wasn’t high on my to-do list.
    “What’re you doing here anyhow?” He grinned. “Looking for me?” His grin turned nasty.
    My insides crawled. I whipped around and almost knocked over a girl standing behind me.
    I froze. It was Tina. She snapped her gum, looking amused. She slipped past me and slid her arm through Nathan’s. I wondered if she’d followed me there.
    “Well, lookie here. A girl goes to the bathroom, and who sneaks over to try to steal my guy?” She smiled, but it wasn’t friendly. “You’re old news, Miss Thing.”
    My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I gaped at her, not moving or blinking.
    “What happened to the hot old guy?” Tina asked and turned to Nathan. “She left school with some older black dude.”
    I didn’t answer. Tina looked at Nathan. “She doesn’t say much, does she?”
    “That was probably Simon, her mom’s boyfriend,” Nathan said.
    “Figures. Not like someone who’s not gay or related is going to take her anywhere.”
    “Shut up.” My hands clenched into fists.
    Nathan snorted but looked away from me as if he was embarrassed.
    “Oh. That’s right. You do talk.” Tina grinned and blew a big pink bubble and turned to Nathan. “Your ex here is after a drug dealer now, you know that?”
    “That guy’s a loser. Anyhow, I’m not into her.” Nathan put an arm around Tina’s shoulder and leaned over to slurp at her neck with his tongue. It made me want to vomit, but I couldn’t stop staring at them, unable to move.
    He glanced up from attacking her neck like it was dessert. “I guess I like my sugar white too.”
    “Much tastier,” Tina added.
    I regained control of my limbs and turned, but not before Tina shot me a triumphant look. She broke away from Nathan and leaned forward to whisper in my ear.
    “Sorry about taking your man. Oh, wait. No, I’m not.” She