If I Tell

over to Gracie’s?” he asked. “They have awesome apple pie. I’m starving.”
    I nodded, my heart thumping. What if I told him the secret and everything went wrong? Could I really trust him?

chapter twelve
    A tall, thin waiter seated us in a red leather booth at Gracie’s. A few other couples were sitting at tables, but the atmosphere was quiet and intimate. Jackson waited while I tucked my guitar under the table, and then he slid in beside me. My leg accidentally pressed up against his. I moved it quickly, pretending not to notice the jolt. He didn’t bat an eye. Without checking the dessert menu, he ordered a piece of apple pie. We both asked for sodas, and then the waiter disappeared.
    “So. What’s up?” Jackson asked.
    I picked up a saltshaker, dumping a few grains on the table and running my finger over them as I tried to figure out what to say.
    “You ever think you really know someone? But then you find out something horrible and it changes everything?”
    Jackson leaned back against the leather. The red made his black hair shine.
    “Not really,” he answered. “Not much that people do surprises me anymore.”
    I glanced down at the salt grains before glancing up to meet his eyes. “I suck at reading people. Must be a genetic mutation. I have several.”
    Jackson blinked.
    I bit down on my bottom lip. “I have a secret.” I felt nervous, as if I was about to perform live without rehearsal, without memorizing the lyrics.
    “Yeah. I kind of figured.” Jackson winked and propped his arms along the back of the booth. I stared at the salt and drew a line in the sprinkles on the table. I tried to remember which shoulder to throw salt over to ward off bad luck. Superstition was a gift from Grandpa.
    “You smiling about your secret?” Jackson asked.
    “No.” My lips quivered. “I wanted to throw salt over my shoulder to ward off bad luck, but I think it’s too late.”
    I stopped playing with the salt. “It has to do with Lacey. Please don’t repeat this, okay?”
    He shook his head and his eyebrow rose. “Of course not.”
    “Lacey, well, she’s had it tough. I guess she kind of deals with it by being with a lot of guys. She drinks too much. I’ve always figured it’s kind of her way to cope, you know?”
    Jackson nodded. “That’s rough.”
    I looked around the restaurant, but no one was paying us the least bit of attention. “It is. I mean, I just wish she’d stop drinking so much. I hate when she lets guys…she’s my best friend.” I stopped and bit my lip again. “She was. She’s not anymore.”
    Jackson nodded, and the waiter returned to our table and placed drinks in front of us. He smiled without speaking and quickly disappeared.
    “I know that. So what happened?” Jackson asked when the waiter left.
    I grabbed my straw and swirled the ice around, fizzing up the cola in my glass. I was afraid to say the truth out loud. I’d always protected Lacey. And my mom couldn’t handle knowing. But I had to trust someone.
    “I saw Lacey. With my mom’s boyfriend, Simon. Making out.”
    Jackson whistled softly through his front teeth. “You’re sure?”
    “Definitely. In November. At Marnie’s party. They were in the basement. I was looking for Lacey to tell her I was there. I didn’t even know Simon was at the party. He’d come to pick up his brother, and, well, instead he picked up Lacey. I saw them. Very hot and heavy.”
    Jackson ran his fingers through his hair. “Whoa.”
    “I know. It’s horrible, right? And the next day, when I was going to tell my mom the truth, I found out she was pregnant. So I couldn’t tell her.”
    Jackson sipped his drink. “That’s pretty harsh.”
    “I know.” I shuddered, imagining them together, and then reached for the saltshaker, picked it up, and put it down again. “So anyhow. I belted him.”
    “What?”
    “I did. Today. At lunch. I hit Simon in the face. He showed up at school and dragged me to McDonald’s all hurt and upset that I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. He was acting all worried about my mom, and I wanted to confront him, but I couldn’t. Holding it in made me so angry that I smacked him.”
    Jackson tugged his bottom lip. “You are full of surprises.” He studied me. “Did your mom find out? About him and Lacey?”
    A tear slid out and rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away. “No, and I can’t tell her. My grandma already says Mom isn’t handling her pregnancy well. My grandma is worried about