If I Tell

giggled. “Thought I’d see what all the fuss is about. You may be on to something. It is true what they say about black men, isn’t it?”
    I pushed her back and hurried toward the mall exit. My insides churned. Tina was with Nathan? I thought about taking a bus to Grinds and begging Lacey to tell me what she knew, but with a rush of heat to my face, I remembered. Lacey wasn’t my friend anymore.
    Instead of going to her, I climbed on the bus taking me back to school.
    I said a silent prayer that the new romance between Tina and Nathan wouldn’t cause me more problems. I didn’t need help making my life any worse.

chapter eleven
    Adjusting the guitar strap on my shoulder, I hurried up the front steps of the church and tiptoed down the hallway, a little nauseated by the stuffy air. It smelled like the trunk in Grandma’s closet filled with Grandpa’s old clothes and personal items. I headed to the kitchen and found Grandma sorting piles of packaged food on the long counter and talking to a girl about the same age as me. Grandma looked up and motioned me closer. I tried to tell by her expression if she’d heard about my fight with Simon or missing classes, but she merely seemed preoccupied.
    “Jasmine, hi. This is Tanya. She’s helping me put together food baskets.”
    I nodded at the girl, noticing her old clothes. No brand names on the jeans or plain blue sweatshirt. She smiled, friendly but cautious. I smiled back and sneaked another look at Grandma, breathing slower with relief.
    From the back entrance, a pimply, tall boy walked into the kitchen, dangling a toddler in his arms.
    “She needs her diaper changed, Tanya,” he said with a squeamish grin and held the baby out.
    Tanya put down a loaf of bread and hurried to the baby, cooing as she took her from the boy. She grabbed a diaper bag off the floor and disappeared around the corner toward the washrooms.
    “If you can’t handle that duty, Charlie, go bring in more groceries from the truck,” Grandma ordered. “We’ve got twenty-five baskets to get out tonight, and the driver will be here in half an hour.”
    The boy grinned and nodded. “Deal.” He headed back the way he’d come in.
    Grandma shook her head and picked up the loaf of bread.
    “That boy will not change diapers.”
    I didn’t say anything.
    “She’s a good mom for such a young girl, and Charlie tries. They’re good kids.” She motioned me closer. “They volunteer almost every food-basket night.”
    I nodded. The girl would be about the same age as my mom when she had me. A couple of older kids marched into the kitchen carrying boxes of canned goods. Grandma rushed over, inspecting the boxes and pointing to the counter.
    She looked over her shoulder. “Jasmine, your group is downstairs in the meeting room. Cede will help you out tonight, but after this week you’ll have to handle the equipment yourself, so pay attention. Some of your group will use the karaoke machine, and some will want you to play guitar. You’ll figure it out, right?”
    I shifted the guitar on my shoulder. “Um. I guess. How many people?”
    “Ten or twelve, I think. It’s the bereavement group’s social night. They voted for singing.”
    “Bereavement?” As in sad old people? Great.
    “Most of them lost a spouse in the last year or so. Don’t worry. They’re not going to cry or demand therapy. They’re here for fun.” She opened a drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper.
    “Here.” She handed a sheet to Charlie. “Take this list and start putting together a box.” She glanced over at me. “Cede’s downstairs. She’ll explain. Go. She’s waiting.”
    I turned to leave, almost crashing into another girl who was walking into the kitchen with a stack of food in her arms. I blinked. It was Lacey.
    “Hey. What’s up? What’re you doing here?” Lacey asked.
    “Me? What about you?”
    “Didn’t I tell you Jasmine was helping out with karaoke night?” Grandma called to us. “I swear I lost my memory in the ’90s.” She gestured at Lacey. “Lacey’s been helping me out with food baskets for the past couple months. But of course, you knew that.”
    “Uh. No.”
    Lacey put down her pile of food. “Don’t look so surprised,” she said.
    Grandma groaned when Charlie knocked over a pile of canned goods. She raced away after a rolling can.
    “I didn’t know you were helping out my grandma,” I said to Lacey.
    “I guess that’s because you’ve been so busy avoiding me,”