If I Tell

few minutes later, I skulked out of the stall. I returned to my table, packed up my homework, and hurried out the front door and walked home. I phoned on the way home and told Amber I wouldn’t be able to work that night. She didn’t even give me trouble.
    At home I took the phone off the hook, shut off my cell, and went straight to bed.
    ***
    Sunday afternoon, I reported for work grouchy and tired. Of course, Lacey and I were working together, and she decided to make it worse.
    “Hey, Jaz. Did you hear Jackson brought his girlfriend to work yesterday?” She watched as I punched in for work, one hand on her hip and the other flicking back her blond hair. “I totally didn’t know he had a girlfriend in Whistler, did you?”
    I placed my time card in its slot.
    “My mom had her baby,” I said, staring at Lacey and willing her to shut up.
    “Oh. Yeah. I heard that.” Lacey fussed with the strings on the back of her apron. She smiled. “That’s great. How’s the baby doing?”
    “He was early, so he’s pretty little. They’re watching his liver development. But Simon said he’ll be okay.”
    “How about your mom?”
    “Tired.” I narrowed my eyes. “Simon’s totally psyched about being a dad. Grandma said he’s handing out chocolate cigars to everyone.”
    Lacey glanced toward the restaurant area. “That’s great. I mean, I guess you’re a big sister now, huh?”
    I pictured the tiny little baby, and an intense surge of love stole the breath right out of me. “He looks like Simon.”
    “Mmm? Well, great.”
    Lacey twirled her hair as I pulled my apron off the hook and tied it around my back.
    “So?” she asked. “Did you know Jackson had a girlfriend?”
    She’d gotten back to what she really wanted to talk about. She knew me well enough to know I was crushing hard on Jackson. What she didn’t know was that I had unwillingly joined her club. The making-out-with-taken-guys club. And it felt horrible.
    I ignored her and stomped toward the coffee pit. She followed, yapping close on my heels. “I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I heard she’s really pretty. A cheerleader type.”
    I spun around. “Shut up, Lacey. For once, just shut the hell up.”
    We stared at each other, shocked by the vehemence in my voice. I breathed as if all the air had been squeezed from my lungs. “I don’t give a shit about Jackson or his stupid girlfriend,” I lied. “You’re concerned about the wrong thing. Again. Jackson didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend, okay? Does that make you happy? Because Jackson’s an asshole? Well. So are you. You’re both assholes and you’re both shitty friends.” I stared at Lacey, hating her as if she somehow had something to do with this too.
    “I’m an asshole?”
    We both spun around.
    Jackson cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes, peering at me from the other side of the counter. “And a shitty friend?”
    “You are,” I shouted and clenched my fists. Now that I’d taken off the lid, everything wanted to boil out. “I’m sick of you people acting like a bunch of children.”
    I pointed at Lacey. “You with my mom’s boyfriend.” I pointed at Jackson. “And you not bothering to tell me you had a girlfriend.” I reached back, untied my apron, pulled it off, and threw it on the floor. “And who the hell cares? I’m leaving.”
    It felt as if I was watching myself perform in some weird play. Jaz Evans didn’t act like this. “Tell Amber I’m sorry I took off on my shift,” I called.
    I rushed out of the coffee shop and broke into a run.

chapter sixteen
    I was running, heading toward a side street, when a car pulled up and idled behind me.
    “Jaz. Hey, Jaz,” Jackson called.
    I didn’t answer him but ran faster.
    “Your legs are pretty long, but I don’t think you can outrun my car.”
    “I don’t see why not. It’s a piece of shit,” I yelled.
    “Ouch. I’m an asshole, and now my car is a piece of shit?”
    My legs ached from running too fast and my lungs burned.
    “Can you stop? I really need to talk to you.”
    I kept going.
    “Jaz, come on,” Jackson pleaded.
    I puffed harder.
    “I’m sorry,” he called and cleared his throat. “That I didn’t warn you about Carrie.”
    “I don’t want to talk to you about your stupid girlfriend. I want to get some exercise.” I yelled. My breath came in short puffs. “Go away.”
    “You’re running in your work uniform, in case you forgot.”
    “So?”
    “Well. You may have