If I Tell

that you got so many calls, and I heard you saying you had the stuff. It seemed so obvious…”
    Jackson looked puzzled and then smacked his head with his hand. “Carrie. She was calling all the time using excuses like some CDs of hers I had and a couple of books. She used every excuse she could come up with to call. If I acted all mysterious and tried to cover it up, it was because I didn’t want you to think she was my girlfriend. I should have just told you the truth.”
    I took a deep breath. More secrets that we should have told each other. “I’m sorry. For what I said…” I stopped, blushing.
    Jackson grinned. “That I’m a stupid crush or a drug dealer? Or that I don’t deserve to be black?”
    “I can’t believe I said any of that. Funny how I’m like everyone else, jumping to conclusions based on appearance.”
    I started full-on babbling but stopped when I saw his smile.
    He took a step toward me. I clung to his hoodie and fought a desire to flee him and run to safety.
    “Let’s get one thing clear. You have never been just a friend to me.” He stepped closer. “You didn’t make a mistake when you kissed me. You surprised me, but I kissed you back with everything I had, and it was the best kiss of my life. It took all my friggin’ will to pull away. I only did because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. I thought it wasn’t the right time for you.
    “I’ve been waiting for it to be right. I didn’t want to be, you know, a way of getting by, of coping with the bad stuff. I wanted to stay friends a while longer because you really needed one, and then I planned to bust out my moves later.” He grinned, but his smile faded quickly. “But not telling you the truth about Carrie, not trusting you to understand was stupid, especially after you talked to me about Simon.”
    “I should have asked you about the dealing, instead of assuming. I guess I have to learn to trust people too. And myself. Even Simon.”
    “Simon?”
    “I talked to him, and he did mess up that night like you said. He was embarrassed and guilty, and it was just a kiss, nothing more. I should have gone to him. Asked him about it.”
    He took another step and we faced each other, almost nose to nose. He leaned down and spoke right to my face. I smelled coffee on his breath but it was delicious. “You’ve intrigued me since the first time I saw you hauling around that guitar of yours at school. I mean, obviously I’m into guitars. And girls with guitars are a given. Especially since you’re okay to look at and all.” He grinned and reached out and pushed back a curl from my cheek. My stomach swooped.
    “I watched you distance yourself from everyone and wondered what made you that way. I mean, I could tell you were biracial like me and I heard about you living with your grandma, but there was more. From the first day I laid eyes on you, there were sparks.” He spread out his hand like each finger was a firecracker and fireworks were going off. “I couldn’t figure out how to get to know you better at school since you didn’t seem to talk to anyone, so I applied for a job at Grinds to meet you.”
    My mouth opened in surprise. “You did?”
    “I wanted to get to know you. I didn’t want to come on too strong or move too fast and scare you off. I didn’t want to be all ‘Hey, I’m biracial too, so let’s hook up.’ I wanted to tell you, but after I gave you a ride home that night, I saw you had a lot going on. I wanted you to get to know me and not the reputation. I have this messed-up past that follows me around now. I thought it might scare off a nice girl like you. And it did.”
    His phone rang and he cursed, but he pulled it from his pocket. He glanced at the number and smiled. “Oh, look. It’s my drug dealer.” He handed the phone to me. “Answer it.”
    I frowned, but he nodded and grinned. In a leap of faith, I clicked the phone on.
    “Hello?”
    “Jaz? Why are you on Jackson’s phone?” Ashley’s voice asked from the other end. I smiled and pulled the phone away from my ear. “Ashley?” I mouthed to Jackson. He lifted his shoulder and tilted his head innocently.
    “Um. Why are you calling Jackson’s phone?” I asked Ashley but kept an eye on him.
    She ignored me. “Did you finally tell him you were an idiot?” she asked.
    “Um. Maybe I am an idiot, but why are you calling Jackson’s phone? Are you two all best friends now?” I fake-glowered at