If I Tell

meetings with you and Simon or my mom finding out what happened. She couldn’t handle it right now. I kind of have to look out for her.”
    I rubbed my guitar charm, hoping I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to tell Lacey about my mom’s sickness. I wanted my mom to have her privacy until she started to get better. Someday, but not now.
    Sometimes keeping secrets was the right thing to do.
    Lacey’s eyes glistened. “That’s okay. I understand.” She exhaled in a big puff. “I kind of hoped I could erase everything with an apology, but I guess ‘sorry’ can’t fix some things.”
    “I’m sorry too, Lacey. I have to learn when to trust myself, when to believe in myself. I’m glad you’re doing that too. You’re being brave.”
    She smiled, but she wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek. “Thanks.” She got to her feet. “I should get going. I have to work soon.” She paused. “Is it cool if I keep working with your grandma? I really like working with those kids. It makes me feel…like I’m helping someone.”
    “Of course.” I smiled at her. “You’re totally going to do this, you know. Kick the drinking and feel better about yourself.”
    “Yeah.” Lacey chewed her fake fingernail, a familiar old habit that I hadn’t seen in a long time. “I guess I’ll see you around. That’s okay, right?”
    We both stood, and I gave her a quick hug. She smiled, looking like a shadow of her old self. “Did you hear I got a new roommate? A girl. She’s in AA too. Nathan took off. He went to Phoenix after some girl he met online. Some girl from your high school dumped him and he was devastated, but he thinks this new girl is the one. He always thinks the girl he’s into is the one.” She laughed. “You know, believe it or not, I think Nathan is really looking for true love.”
    I attempted a smile. “I hope he finds it, then.”
    Lacey grinned. “Yeah, and you too. I’ll see you around. Okay, Jazzy?”
    I watched her leave, sad but also lightened by a sense of closure. She’d be okay without me, and I’d be okay too.
    I glanced behind the coffee counter. Jackson had disappeared. With a sigh, I walked to the exit. I glanced behind me and then walked outside. I’d hoped for more from Jackson, but at least I’d said my piece. In a way it was kind of fitting that I couldn’t forgive Lacey and he couldn’t forgive me.
    I started toward the sidewalk and then looked up and stopped dead in my tracks.
    Jackson’s car was parked illegally in front of the coffee shop, blocking the sidewalk. He was leaning against the car, his arms crossed in front, staring at me.
    “Didn’t you talk to Ashley?” he called out. “She was supposed to talk to you.”
    “Uh, I talked to her at school. She told me you were having lunch together.”
    “Yeah. But what else?”
    “Nothing. She took off for an exam. I haven’t seen her since.”
    Unsure of where to look or even which direction to walk in, I took a tentative step forward.
    “She’s not my girlfriend,” he told me.
    “Ashley? Um, yeah. I know.” I frowned.
    He laughed. “No. Carrie. She’s not my girlfriend.” He pushed a hand off his car and brushed back his long hair. “I broke up with her before I even moved to Tadita. It’s been over for a long time.”
    “But she said she was your girlfriend.”
    “I know. She wouldn’t let go. Carrie’s got some issues. I told her we were breaking up before I went to rehab, but she hung on. Then Grams and I moved right away, and Carrie still had some of my stuff, and I still had some of hers. She was calling me a lot, and I felt sorry for her because of some of the stuff that had happened when I was doing drugs. She showed up unannounced the night you were at my place. Grams wanted me to take it easy on her. I had some amends to make. Sometimes I was a jerk. I was a different person then.
    “She’s going to rehab, but she’s struggling and holding on to the past. I assured her we are over for good. I set her straight. Told her I was interested in someone else.” He stepped toward me. “I gave her back all her stuff, and she went home.”
    “Oh.”
    “You owe me an apology.”
    “I said I was sorry,” I said in a soft voice.
    “Yeah. About calling me a faker. What about calling me a druggie? I’m not dealing anymore. Just so you know. That pissed me off. I haven’t touched drugs since I left Whistler. I don’t do them, and I don’t deal them.”
    I groaned. “It’s just