Jimm Juree 01; Killed at the Whim of a Hat

have a bad haircut?”
    “Surat isn’t ready for the accidental-razor-attack look. It’s really you. Don’t let it ruin your life. She works in Dairy Queen, God bless her.”
    “But how the hell did you find out about the manager?” My voice had climbed into the soprano loft.
    “I’m a policeman,” he said with a straight face, and there was no evidence to the contrary. Lieutenant Chompu really was a policeman. You couldn’t let those minute traces of nail polish fool you. He knew his job. We made a deal. I’d tell him all about our interview with Koon Boondej and he’d share his findings from the lab in Prajuab. I decided not to tell him about the camera, out of spite, I suppose. I wanted to hold something back or there’d be no lollipops for negotiation. It was a mistake but I’m not immune from stupidity. I finished my tale first. He drained the last coagulants from the bottom of his coffee cup.
    “Well done,” he said. “No, really. Very well done.”
    “You understand it does rely on my instincts,” I told him.
    “No problem. Your instincts are super. But that does leave us at a nasty dead end as far as our VW goes.”
    “Not really. At least we know the couple in the VW weren’t just innocent tourists. They were involved in a criminal act. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did something to piss off old Auntie Chainawat and she got revenge on them.”
    “I don’t th – ”
    “In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if she wasn’t masterminding the whole carnapping caper and I bet she had a whole network of poor but dishonest couples out scamming rental companies. They’d drive the stolen vehicles to her place and she’d traffic them on to Malaysia or over to Cambodia or she’d break them down for parts.”
    “But presumably not bury them underground.”
    “What? All right. That doesn’t make sense, but – ”
    “I’m losing faith in your instincts.”
    “No, keep listening. One couple screws her out of some money so she makes an example of them. Lets all the other gang members know that insubordination won’t be tolerated. She gathers her people around her at the fish pond, slowly lowers the VW into the water. The doors taped shut. Everybody gets the point. She values loyalty. They walk away like relatives after a funeral.”
    “One or two bubbles rise from the pond,” said Chompu, dramatically, “then it is still. A lone white tern takes off and we follow it out to sea. It would make a stunning final scene for the movie version. I see Meryl Streep as the Godmother. They can do wonders with make-up now.”
    “It’s a hypothesis. You have to start with a hypothesis.”
    “What did that poor little old lady do to you?”
    “She glared at my running shoes disrespectfully.”
    “Oh, well. That’s it then. Send in the SWAT team.”
    “OK, your turn.”
    “Do I have to?”
    “It’s a deal.”
    “Very well. The lab at the barracks in Prajuab is stiflingly hot and showed distinct lack of artistic input in the decoration. The lighting was abysmal. They had our two skeletons side by side on one trestle table. It was quite sweet. I wanted to interlock their fingers but I was watched all the time. I wasn’t convinced they’d got the puzzle exactly right. We’d sent the couple mingled so I wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d just thrown them together, first come first served. One of the technicians kept referring to a textbook, for goodness’ sake. He was pretending to educate me as to this or that phenomenon but I got the feeling he was checking his own work. They couldn’t tell me a thing about the cause of demise apart from the fact that they weren’t chainsawed, axed or machine-gunned to death. Nor were there any arrows or spears sticking out of them. Nor were they the victims of explosions or bone-eating diseases. But, in fairness, they were certain these two hadn’t died of old age. The textbook confirmed for me that they were quite young, early twenties.”
    “So, in summary, it was a complete waste of a drive.”
    “Not at all.”
    “How so?”
    “I was on my way out through security and this swarthy, top-heavy army captain came running after me. I assumed he was taken by my good looks and wanted my telephone number, but he had a large manila folder in his hand and he asked me, ‘Are you the lieutenant from Lang Suan’ My reputation had preceded me. I smiled and said ‘Yes’. Then he handed me the envelope and asked me to drop it off to Major