Light in the Shadows

but that system is no longer in place.  So, Clay, you need to start building a new one.  Shaemus can help you do that.  Without that foundation, it makes the rest so much more difficult.”  Dr. Todd was right; I couldn’t exactly depend on Ruby right now.  And that freaked me out. 
                    I swallowed thickly, trying not to panic at how alone I suddenly felt.  “Okay,” I said quietly. 
                    “You can do this, Clay.  But when you think you can’t, but please call if you need me” he urged and I nodded, though he couldn’t see me.  I felt like the floor was opening up beneath me and I was about to be sucked in.  This was not a good way for me to feel. 
                    “What if I do it again?  What if I fuck it all up?  I’m not good at the whole good decision making thing.  Am I making a huge mistake staying here?”  I hated the pleading in my voice.  But I needed to hear total and complete honesty, at whatever the cost.
                    I heard Dr. Todd let out a sigh.  “I can’t answer that, Clay.  I can’t predict what will happen.  All I can say is that you are a smart young man and if you remember the things you’ve been learning.  How to reframe, how to step back and look at your choices before you act on them.  You can make this work for you.  And when you feel like you can’t do it, that’s when you need to ask for help.  Never be ashamed to admit you can’t handle it.  There’s nothing weak in acknowledging when things are greater than you.” 
                    I wish I had Dr. Todd’s ability to say exactly the right thing.  It was a skill I could get a hell of a lot of mileage out of right now. 
                    “Thanks Doc.  I’ll call Mr. Laughtry in the morning and then let you know what I can work out.  I appreciate everything, really.” 
                    “As I’ve always told you, Clayton, it’s what I’m here for.  I look forward to hearing from you.”  And with that, we disconnected the call.  Now that was out of the way, I had an entire day left in order to figure out what the hell I was going to do. 
      Ruby hadn’t been to her shop in over a week.  I knew there had to be inventory and shelving to be done.  I went up the stairs and lightly knocked on her bedroom door.  When there was no answer I looked inside to find her still asleep.  So I left her to it, leaving her a note letting her know where I was.
                    Then I grabbed my keys and my wallet and headed to my car.  I headed down the familiar streets until I saw a sign for the coffee shop, Java Madness.  I seemed to remember Ruby telling me this is where Maggie worked. 
                  So what did I do?  I pulled into the small parking lot and then went inside.  I looked around noticing that it was pretty quiet.  I approached the counter to place my order.  I didn’t see Maggie anywhere.  Maybe she wasn’t working.  But I was already there, so I might as well get something.
                    “What can I get ya?” a tall guy with red hair who was working the industrial espresso machine asked without looking at me.  I glanced up at the menu.
                  “Uh, just a coffee, black.  And one of those chocolate croissant things.  To go, please.”  I pulled my wallet out and got some cash.  When I looked back up, Mr. Red Head was staring at me with a peculiar look on his face.  Did I know this guy?  I looked at him a little closer.  He did seem familiar, but I couldn’t place him.  I assumed he went to Jackson, he was about my age.  But that didn’t explain why he seemed almost pissed to see me.  Did I have some altercation with this dude that I couldn’t remember?  It was highly likely, given how much of a dick I was during my last go around in Davidson.
                    “Clay Reed.  I heard you were back in town,” he said as though I had made it my mission to fuck up his morning.  What the hell was this guy’s problem? 
                    “And you are?” I asked acidly, narrowing my eyes a bit as he tried to mad dog me.  Was he seriously trying to play macho man while wearing a fucking apron with a smiling coffee pot on it? 
                    “Jake Fitzsimmons,” he answered as if that explained everything.