Light in the Shadows

leave you when you needed him,” I said quietly, rubbing her arm soothingly.
                    Ruby’s body shuddered as she tried to pull herself together.  She reached up and held the hand that was wrapped around her arm.  “You’re such a good girl, Maggie.  Clay and I are so lucky to have you in our lives,” she said sincerely.  I tensed a bit.
                    “I just wish I could do more,” I replied, mostly to myself.  Because it was true.  I felt like I wasn’t doing near enough. 
                    “Just don’t waste your life on regrets, Maggie.  That’s what you can do.” I pulled back slightly, surprised by the vehemence in Ruby’s tone. 
                    “I know Clay hurt you.  He’s a difficult boy.  But he loves you.  As much as you love him.  I see the way you look at each other.  And it’s a beautiful thing.”  Ruby looked at me and her pale green eyes seared into mine with an intensity that made me take pause.
                    “Whatever your hesitations, don’t let them get in the way of living your life with the person you love.  Lisa and I wasted too much time in the beginning worrying about what everyone else thought.” A quiet sob escaped from Ruby and she bit down on her bottom lip.
                    She stood up, taking our mugs to the sink.  She braced herself on the counter, her head bowed.  This was a woman who I wasn’t so sure would be able to come back from losing the love of her life.  I think the person who said it’s better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all was full of shit.  This much pain wasn’t good for anyone, no matter that it came from something as amazing as the love for another person.
                    As if reading my thoughts, Ruby turned around to face me.  “Promise me, Maggie, to follow your heart and not your head.  Our heads have a nasty habit of ruining what can make us happiest.  And there are times in our lives when you have to put aside what we think is best and go with what you feel is best.”  I could barely breathe.  Her advice hitting me right where she meant it to; straight into my beating chest.
                    “Regret is a bitter bedfellow, Maggie,” she whispered. 
                    The sound of a throat being cleared made me squeak in surprise.  Clay stood in the doorway, his form filling the small space.  His dark hair hung down over his forehead and ears in loose waves.  His dark eyes hooded and concerned.  His hands were characteristically jammed in his pockets as he looked between Ruby and me. 
                  My heart constricted tightly at the sight of him.  I was full of love and pain and yes…regret.  And Ruby was right; it was a horrible waste of emotion.
                    “Maggie just came by to drop off her mother’s casserole,” Ruby said tiredly, walking over to Clay and touched him on the cheek.  “Why don’t you two visit for a while, I’m going to go lie down.” Ruby turned to me as she left the kitchen.
                    “It was nice seeing you, Maggie.  I hope to see you again soon.” For the first time I saw something alive flare in her eyes.  They seemed to almost twinkle as she looked at me, a million messages being communicated.  Her gaze drifted to her nephew and then back to me, an almost contented smile on her face.  Then she left, leaving me feel strangely at peace.
                    Looking at my phone, I knew I should be heading home but I was in no rush to leave the warm kitchen.  Clay hadn’t moved from the doorway.  He watched me hesitantly and I could tell he was nervous. 
                    “You got anything with chocolate around here?  I’m sort of hungry,” I said lightly.  And even though I had dinner waiting for me, I felt the need to something to break the tension. 
                    “Yeah, I think we have some cookies or something,” Clay said, finally coming into the room.  He went about, rooting through the cabinets until he found a tin of chocolate chip cookies.  Opening it up, he took one before handing it to me. 
                    I took my own cookie and put the tin down.  “Thanks for bringing the food.  Ruby hasn’t been up to cooking and I’m pretty sure I could burn water.”