Light in the Shadows

Clay smirked and I felt my lips twitch into a smile. 
    “No problem.  My mom goes through these compulsive cooking phases.  Figure this way food isn’t going to waste.” I chewed on the cookie, trying not to be obvious in the way I stared at the boy who seemed ready to crawl out of his skin.  Ruby’s words still rang in my ears.  Regret.  When I looked at Clay that’s definitely what I felt.  Mostly for everything we never got to be.  For everything I wanted so much to experience with him.
                    But he still seemed so vulnerable.  Fragile even.  And I was scared to let myself get close to him again.  I didn’t trust him with my heart.  He’d broken it once already.
                    “Well, tell her thank you, from both of us.  Ramen noodles were getting old.” Clay wiped crumbs from his fingers and hooked his thumbs into his belt loops.  I could tell he was winding down this non-existent conversation in order to retreat.  Even as his eyes clung to mine in a way that said he didn’t want to be anywhere else.
                    He was clearly as conflicted as I felt.  “I should get upstairs and start on my homework.” Clay bobbed his head toward the hallway and I nodded.
                    “Sure thing,” I replied and watched him turn around and leave.  His broad back tense as he disappeared up the stairs.  I reached up to touch the butterfly necklace.  It lay hidden beneath my shirt and I was pretty sure that Clay hadn’t noticed it.  But since putting it back on, it hadn’t left my neck. 
                    That unconscious reluctance to part with it spoke volumes. 
                    My fingers traced the delicate curves and I remembered the look on Clay’s face when he had given it to me. 
    You make me feel free.  
    Tears pricked my eyes and then before I knew what I was doing, I was heading up the stairs two at a time.
                  I hurried down to the end of the hallway, pausing only briefly before pushing open Clay’s door.  It bounced off the wall with a loud thud.  Clay was sat on his bed and he looked up in shock.  I was breathing heavily, my face flushed. 
                    “Maggie, is everything…” Clay began but stopped as I crossed the room and sank to the floor at his feet.  I went up on my knees and grabbed his face between my hands.  His gorgeous brown eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise. 
                    “I don’t want to wake up ten years from now regretting that I let this slip through my fingers.  I don’t want to waste another moment without you in my life,” I let out in a rush.  Clay’s hands came up and covered mine, his fingers slipping between the ones that held him.  His eyes closed briefly and when he opened them they were wet with barely contained emotion.
                    “God, Maggie.  How can you say that after everything I put you through?” his voice cracked and my heart nearly split in two.  I gripped his face tightly and pulled him toward me.  Our noses brushed against one another and we looked at each other as if for the first time.
                    “It’s because of everything we’ve been though that I can say it.  I love you, Clayton Reed.  God, I love you so damn much.” My strangled words came out in a whisper as I waited for him to hear me.  To either accept or reject what I was giving him.  I was taking the hugest risk handing him my heart and soul like this.  Especially when they were still bruised from the last time he held them.  I had agonized about not trusting him.  About my fears of being ripped apart all over again. 
                    But that didn’t change the gut wrenching response I had whenever I saw him.  The way my heart beat just for him.  I wasn’t sure I could live my life having turned my back on the person who made me feel truly alive.  And I was sick of being a coward.  My love for this beautifully broken, yet slowly healing boy, made me strong. 
                    Clay took a deep breath and slowly, achingly so, rubbed his nose along the side of my cheek.  I closed my eyes as his lips gently touched the corner of my mouth and then made their way along my jaw.  He was breathing deeply, inhaling me in. 
                    My hands, still cradling his face, began