Losing Hope

amazed by her right now. I’m amazed by her resolve. Her strength. Her courage. I slide my hand down her arm until I find her pinky, and I hold it. She wraps her pinky tightly around mine in return.
    Her father sighs heavily, then looks back up at her. “When I first started drinking . . . it was only once. I did something to my little sister . . . but it was only one time. It was years before I met your mother.”
    She exhales a breath. “What about after me? Have you done it to anyone else since I was taken?” It’s obvious he has by the guilt that consumes his features. “Who?” she asks. “How many?”
    He shakes his head slightly. “There was just one more. I stopped drinking a few years ago and haven’t touched anyone since. I swear. There were only three and they were at the lowest points of my life. When I’m sober, I’m able to control my urges. That’s why I don’t drink anymore.”
    “Who was she?” Sky asks.
    He nudges his head to the right, toward the house next door.
    Toward the house I used to live in.
    The house I lived in with Les.
    I don’t hear another word after that.

Chapter Forty-four
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    One would think that finding my sister’s body was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
    It wasn’t. The worst thing that ever happened to me came later that night, when I had to tell my mother her daughter was dead.
    I remember pulling Les onto my lap, doing everything I could to make sense of what was happening. I tried to make sense of why she wasn’t responding. Why she wasn’t breathing or talking or laughing. It just didn’t make sense that someone could be here one minute, then the very next minute they’re not. They’re just . . . not .
    I don’t know how long I held her. It could have been seconds. It could have been minutes. Hell, I was so out of it that it could have been hours. I just know that I was still holding her when the front door slammed shut downstairs.
    I remember panicking, knowing what was about to happen. I was about to have to walk downstairs and look my mother in the eyes. I was about to have to tell her that her daughter was dead.
    I don’t know how I did it. I don’t know how I let go of Les long enough to stand up. I don’t know how I found the strength to even stand. When I made it to the top of the stairs, she and Brian were removing their jackets. He took hers and turned around to hang it on the coatrack. She glanced up at me and smiled, but then she stopped smiling.
    I began to walk down the stairs toward her. My body was so weak, I was taking them slowly. One at a time. Watching her the whole way.
    I don’t know if she had mother’s intuition or if she could just tell by the look on my face what had happened, but she started to shake her head and back away from me.
    I started to cry and she started to panic and she continued to back away from me until her back met the front door. Brian was looking back and forth between us, not understanding at all what was going on.
    She turned around and gripped the doorframe, pressing her cheek against the door while she squeezed her eyes shut. It was like she was trying to shut me out. If she shut me out, she wouldn’t have to face the truth.
    Her body was racked with grief and she was crying so hard, there wasn’t even a sound coming out of her mouth. I remember reaching the bottom step, watching her from where I was standing. Watching as she gave the word devastated a whole new meaning. I truly believed, at that point, that the word devastated should be reserved for mothers.
    I no longer believe that.
    The word devastated should be reserved for brothers, too.
    • • •
    “Les,” I whisper, turning away from Sky and her father. “Oh, God, no.” I press my head against the doorframe and grip the back of my neck with both hands. I begin to cry so hard that I’m not even able to make a sound. My chest hurts and my throat hurts, but my heart has just been completely obliterated.
    Sky comes up behind me. She wraps her arms around me and tries to comfort me in whatever way she can, but I can’t feel it. I can’t feel her and I can’t feel the devastation anymore because all I feel is this overwhelming amount of hatred and rage. I’m trying to refrain from lunging at him but I don’t think I have enough self-control. I wrap my arm around Sky and pull her against me, hoping her presence can help calm me, but it doesn’t. The only thing that could calm me would be knowing the man