Lost in You

preppy?”
    “I like both. Casual is nice because it shows their relaxed side, but there’s something sexy about a guy who dresses up.” I’m curious if she likes how I dress. I’m neither casual nor smart. I’m a hand-me-down kid who can’t afford to buy jeans at a discount store. I can’t even believe she’s talking to me. Can’t she see I’m nothing?
    “Okay, my turn. Do you prefer girls in sweats or dresses?”
    I look at her and her long legs and know the answer. “Dresses. I like legs. I mean, if you have legs you should show them off, especially if they’re like yours. Not that I’m constantly looking at your legs. Okay, I’ll shut up now.” I can’t believe I actually said that out loud and want to internally hit myself for my inability to control my verbal filter. I turn away from her so she doesn’t see the embarrassment showing all over my face. Dylan has always said that I turn a lovely girly shade of pink when I say something stupid.
    Hadley reaches out, her fingers caressing my chin. She turns my chin toward her. Her eyes are smiling, if that’s even possible. “It’s your turn to ask a question.”
    I swallow and hate that she’s let go of my face. “Do you prefer singing songs or writing them?”
    “I prefer singing. I’m not very good at writing down how I’m feeling, so singing is much easier for me.”
    I wouldn’t have thought that about her. She seems pretty expressive. I could probably write a song about how I’m feeling. I’d have to title it ‘Confused, Lost and Freaking the Hell Out’ because I have this gorgeous girl sitting next to me and talking to me and not because she has to, but because she wants to. 
    “Do you like girls with long or short hair?”
    I look at her and know my answer is based on what I’m looking at. “Definitely long, but without all that crap that girls put in it, ya know? I think I like the loose and natural look.”
    Hadley runs her hand through her hair and for the first time ever, I want to reach out and touch someone’s hair. I can feel my hand twitching and it takes all I have in me to stop it in fear of rejection. I need a distraction so I decide to ask her about her career.
    “If you weren’t a famous singer, what would you be?”
    Hadley thinks about this for a long time before answering and I use this time to study her. How she scrunches her nose while she contemplates her answer, how her fingers delicately play with the chain she has around her neck and how I really like the look of her perfectly formed lips. I can’t stop looking at them as she starts to answer.
    “Oh wow. I’m not sure. I’ve been performing for so long I don’t think I had the aspirations others did, but maybe a teacher like my mom.”
    “You’d be a good teacher.”
    “Why do you say that?” she’s giggling when she says this. I like that I’ve made her laugh.
    “Because you’ve already taught me a few things like how to find out what girls like and how to talk a bit more.”
    Hadley’s smile turns serious. She leans forward, her eyes traveling from mine to my mouth and back. This is about to be my first kiss and all I can think is that I should be the one making the first move. I lean forward, hoping to meet her half way. A throat clears behind us, she turns and I save myself from my face hitting her shoulder.
    The server is standing there with a plate of food and drinks. It’s amazing how they just know the right time to interrupt something that maybe shouldn’t happen even though I wanted it.
     
    The party in Hadley’s suite has quieted down, but neither of us wants to see what they were all up to. Each time the door opens I fear it's Dylan coming to take me away. I know I shouldn’t feel like that, but I’m having fun. Okay, not fun, but I like that I’m able to sit out here and learn. Hadley isn’t judging me like the other girls in school do. She isn’t giving me sideways glances or snubbing her nose at me. Last year I tried to talk to this girl, Jenna, but she wouldn’t give me the time of day. I heard her tell some of our classmates that she didn’t date beneath her. I knew what it meant and it hurt. Dylan tells me I’m good-looking, but I guess sometimes that’s not enough.
    Until now.
    I yawn and stretch my arms up over my head. Hadley takes this opportunity to poke me in the stomach. I grab her hand quickly and her fingers lace with mine like it’s the most natural thing to do. I look down at our conjoined