Lost in You

blind me. I’m met with a white shirt as it stares back at me. My eyes trail up, squinting as the sun becomes brighter. I slowly emerge from his cocoon. He looks peaceful and content.
    I would’ve never imagined him as the man he portrayed himself to be last night, especially when he took off his shirt and used it as a blanket to keep me warm. No one has ever done something like that for me. And he did it after only knowing me for a few hours.
    Looking at Ryan, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need him in my life. I definitely want to spend time with him because last night was not enough. I’m not sure how to make that happen, but I will. Ian is going to flip. The age difference alone is enough to cause issues, but I don’t care. Ian is going to have to accept that Ryan is my friend… for now.
    I shift closer hoping to remember what his body feels like against mine. He sleeps so softly as if he doesn’t have a care in the world, but I know that’s not true. He has dreams, even if it’s just to move to a city, they are still dreams he should follow. My hand inches higher up his back and I wonder at what point in the past few hours did my hand move under his shirt and if he minded. I know that I don’t. Feeling his soft skin and the outline of his shoulders against my fingertips drives my thoughts to places they shouldn’t go. He whimpers softly and I remove my hand, not wanting to wake him. I’m enjoying the calmness that he’s sharing with me.
    My hand doesn’t stay still for long as I find his hair. It’s a bit shaggy, the in-style right now with teens. He at least has that going for him, aside from the fact that he’s gorgeous and makes my heart flutter every other second. My fingers push through his mane, massaging his scalp. He adjusts, leaning somewhat into my hand. I feel his body relax as he tries to move closer to me. His hand grips my hip tightly. I realize that this is turning him on. I know I should stop, but I can’t. Knowing I can do this to him, for him, encourages me.
    Has anyone ever done this for him? It’s a question plaguing my mind, but also one I don’t want to know the answer to. I know he said he hasn’t had a girlfriend, but what about a fling or a hook-up? I want to be the one who fulfills every fantasy that he has. Ryan buries his head into the crook of my neck, his nose skimming along until he’s rested by my ear. If I had any reservation about him, it’s gone. I thought he’d wake up and wonder where he is, but he knows. I have to fight the urge to take over, to guide him. I know nothing can happen. I have to remind myself over and over again. It has to become my mantra.
    “Can I try something?” he whispers, clearly awake and aware of what I’ve been doing. I nod, unable to find my voice. I don’t know what he’s going to try, but I’m eager and afraid all at once to find out.
    His lips touch just below my ear in the softest of kisses. He does it again and this time his fingers spread over my back, holding me to him. I know I should stop him. My mind is yelling for me to put on the brakes, but my heart is screaming for me to turn just slightly so that when his lips touch me again they will be pressed against mine in what’s surely going to be the most sinful kiss I’ll ever experience.              
    I do as my heart commands, turning slightly. When his lips touch mine, he pulls back. His eyes are questioning me. I offer only the smallest of smiles and nod, hoping he understands that he can continue. That I want – no, I need – him to continue. I won’t be able to make the first move, but I can’t resist him if he does.
    Ryan’s kiss is soft and hesitant. He’s unsure of himself. As much as I want to take over, I don’t. I want to learn with him as he explores. He’s shaking, his nerves trying to get the best him. He kisses me once, twice, before pulling back. His eyes shine in the early morning sun as he stares at me. No words, but I can see the emotion written across his face. My fingers leave his hair and trail down his face, along the scruff of his cheek.
    “Was that okay?” he asks shyly.
    “Yeah, it was.”
    “Can I kiss you again?”
    Ryan doesn’t wait for me to answer, not that he needed to, my eyes and body are telling him yes even though my head is screaming no, but the moment his lips touch mine again my brain shuts up. I could get lost in him with these delicate caresses. He’s not intrusive or needy, nor is he