Lost in You

slamming his tongue into my mouth and demanding attention.
    His large hand cups my face, holding it to his as his lips work over mine. I need to feel more, but I don’t dare break him of his trance. A throat clears behind me. He drops his hand suddenly and moves as far away as he can get from me. The chaise is still holding him close enough that I can feel his body heat, although I can tell that he’d rather be across the room from me than get caught kissing and I don’t blame him, but for other reasons. I’m sad and extremely disappointed that we were interrupted.
    I turn and find Alex standing just far enough way. I sit up and adjust the top of my dress and pat down my hair. I don’t even want to know what I look like right now.
    “Good morning.” My voice is hoarse and tired from singing last night. My usual home remedy of hot honey tea did not happen, but I wouldn't change anything that happened in its place.
    “Thought you’d like to know that breakfast is here and that Dylan is looking for you, Ryan.”
    I sneak a glance at Ryan. He’s a statue. I need to talk to him, tell him that I want to see him again, tonight, tomorrow and all the time in between.
    “We’ll be in soon.”
    I wait until Alex is behind closed doors. Once the door is shut, Ryan is off the chaise. He picks up his shirt and puts it on hastily. His fingers fumble with the buttons. I can’t stand watching him like this. I stand up and wrap my hands around his. He stills, his head hanging low. I so want to look into his beautiful eyes, but he’s not looking at me.
    I push each button into their respective slots; stalling the closer I get to his chest.
    “Ryan, please look at me,” I all but beg.
    His head rises slightly. There is torment in his eyes. I rise up and kiss him softly. His hand finds purchase on my hip and pulls me closer. My hands, flat on his chest, move to his neck and then the back of his hair. He pulls away first, releasing his hold on me, much to my dismay.
    “I sh-should go.”
    “Can I say something first?”
    Ryan’s hand finds the back of his head. He rubs his hair, pulling most forward. “You don’t have to say anything.”
    “Yes, I do.” I step forward, hoping he won’t step back. He looks at me briefly before looking at the door leading to the hotel room. “I’m just going to cut to the chase. I want to see you again before I leave.”
    Ryan’s eyes are sharp when he looks at me. There’s a hint of a smile forming, but he’s fighting it. “You do?”
    “I do.” I step even closer so that we are touching. His knees are touching my thighs, our hands brushing against each other. “I’m not ready for you to leave, but I know you have to.”
    “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”
    “Tell me you’ll come back tonight and stay with me.” I’m asking for trouble, I know this.
    “I’d be stupid to tell you no because I want to see you, but I’m just me and you’re you. You can have anyone you want.”
    He’s right, I can and have, but it’s always the same. I want something different, real. Ryan can offer me so much more than any of the other guys interested in me. He can bring me serenity when I need it with just his touch.
    “I have a charity ball tonight. Will you accompany me?”
    Ryan shakes his head adamantly. “I can’t afford clothes like that, Hadley.”
    I have to tread lightly because I know this is a sensitive subject. “Because I’m asking on short notice, I’ll have a tux sent up. I’m not asking because I need a date, I’m asking because I need to spend more time with you.”
    Ryan looks around as he shuffles his feet. He looks at the ground before setting his eyes back on mine. “Dylan is my transportation. I can’t offer her gas money. I’m sorry, I really am, but I’m not the guy who can just spend money like you’re used to. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I mean… we spent the night together and I kissed you and it felt like the best thing ever and now you’re asking me to come back. I’m confused.”
    Ryan’s little monologue takes me by surprise. I didn’t think he’d question everything at once and I’m not sure I’m ready to tell him exactly what’s going on in my head. Maybe after tonight, after he’s held me on the dance floor.
    “I’ll send a car or I’ll pick you up—“
    “You think I want you to see where I live? No thanks.” Ryan starts to walk away. I run and jump in front of him.
    “I’m sorry, Ryan. I