Lost in You

doesn’t. He holds my gaze, driving home the fact that I’m already in too deep. There is no backing away from this.
    For a moment I can see myself leaning in, him meeting me half way. Just a small touch of the lips, enough to quench my desire, is all I need. I imagine him pushing his hands into my hair, capturing me with soft lips.
    I can hear muffled sounds, his lips are moving, but I can’t make out the words. I clear my head of the lust-filled images. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
    “I said, do you like what you do?”
    “Oh yeah, I do actually. Performing has always been a passion for me. I started in county fairs when I was about twelve and got noticed when I was fifteen. What about you, what’s your passion?”
    “To leave Brookfield,” he says with such sadness it makes me wonder why he’d want to leave.
    “How long have you lived there?”
    “All my life,” he says. His fingers go back to pulling on his shorts. For the first time I get a good look at him. His shorts aren’t new and the edges are frayed. He wears generic sneakers that look old. His black dress shirt is the only thing that looks new.
    “Why don’t you like it?”
    Ryan adjusts so he’s sitting up a bit more, but doesn’t move his leg from touching my arm. I like that he made sure we were still touching. “What’s to like? The town is divided. Half is these upper-class mansions and the other half is industrial with a working mill and small clapboard homes that were built to house the millworkers.”
    Without even asking I know that is where Ryan lives and, while that would matter in my group of friends (Alex not included), it doesn’t matter to me. If he lived under a bridge I’d still want to know him.
    “So what do you want to do when you graduate?”
    “I’m going to leave. Get on a bus and not look back. I want my life to be different from my parents’. My dad, he expects me to start at the mill when I finish school and work my way into becoming the fourth-generation Stone crowned foreman, but that’s not me.” Ryan gets up and moves over to the wall, peering over the side. I spin so that my eyes are on him, afraid to miss a moment.
    “I want to live in a place that is loud and busy. Somewhere where I can walk down the street at night and not need a flash light.”
    “Like New York City?” I ask, hoping the answer is yes.
    “Exactly like New York City or Las Vegas. Any place as long as the town never sleeps. I get so tired of listening to the cicadas and the coyotes in the middle of the night. I want to hear horns honking and people yelling.”
    “That can be annoying too,” I add. Even though I love the city and wouldn’t want to live any place else, there is something to say for the solitude of a small town.
    Ryan turns and looks at me, his arms resting on the wall. If I was brave, I’d stand and walk up to him and live out one of the many fantasies I’ve started to have about him, but I’m not there yet. Ryan pushes off the wall and comes back over to the chaise we’ve been sharing, albeit for a few brief minutes. He sits, his legs touching mine. He places his hand down on the cushion, centimeters from my bare leg and looks at me.
    “I’ve never met someone famous before. Why are you spending the night out here with me when you could be inside with your fans?”

CHAPTER 7
    Ryan
     
     
    I don’t know where this small bit of confidence came from, but watching her sit there, the way the moonlight is shining off of her, makes me want to be next to her. Never have I had the notion to sit this close to a girl. No, that’s not right, Hadley is anything but a girl. She’s a woman and she wants to talk to me. For the life of me I can’t fathom why.              
    Someone like Hadley Carter can have anyone she wants. She’s having this after-party and yet she’s out here on her balcony keeping someone like me company. For all I know she’s taking pity on me because I was alone and about to leave. I suppose leaving her party would’ve made her look like a fool.
    I’m close to her, so close that I can touch her if I wanted. I could move my fingers slightly and let her skin light mine on fire. I want to ask her what it feels like for her when we touch because for me it’s as if her skin is full of electricity and my body wants to know what it’s like to be touched by her repeatedly.
    Hadley shifts, her knee brushing lightly against my fingers. I don’t move, afraid that