Lost in You

Sure, I hear that I’m hot or sexy, but never beautiful.
    “Thank you.”
    “I mean it.” He steps closer. I want to kiss him. Throw him back onto the bed and rip off his shirt. The desire to feel his skin against mine is there, testing my resolve.
    “I know,” I say, nodding. “You make me feel beautiful.” He does. It’s in the way that he looks at me. The way that he holds my hand or caresses my face, his fingers stop against my skin.
    A knock on the door causes him to step back; even though Alex knows he’s here and knows about us, he’s cautious. I can’t blame him, but would like him to feel at ease when we’re together like this. Alex isn’t going to tell anyone.
    “Come in,” I holler. Ryan lets go of my hand. He turns away and stares out the window, stuffing his hands into his pockets when Alex walks in.
    “Your car is here.”
    “Great, thank you. Do you want to come with us?”
    “To church?”
    I nod.
    “I’ll pass. I have a date with my American Express.” The thought of going shopping appeals to me, but this is important to Ryan. It’s important to me. I want his parents to like me and if his mom is offering an olive branch, I’m not going to turn my back.
    Alex turns and leaves. I know she’s waiting for a heart-to-heart, the one where I tell her that I’ve fallen completely in love with him even though we’ve just met. If I believed in love at first sight, I’d say I had it for Ryan, but I don’t. Not after last time.
    I walk over to Ryan and slide my arms through his. My head rests between his shoulder blades. He leans back, gently, adding just enough pressure to let me know he’s aware of me. My lips press to his cloth-covered back. He turns in my arms, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close.
    “I hate thinking about leaving this room.”
    “I know. I’ll have a house soon, not that it makes much difference, but we’ll have more freedom. We’d be able to go outside and walk around.”
    “I can’t wait.”
    Ryan smiles down on me, giving me a light kiss on my nose. “We need to go.”
    I reluctantly let him go and we walk side by side out of my hotel room. Our arms brush lightly as we walk. I want to hold his hand, but with the security cameras, I can’t risk it. I hate feeling this way – hate it. It makes me feel as if I’m ashamed that he’s with me. Of all things, why does he have to be only seventeen?
    When we reach the lobby, Ryan slips his jacket over his head. This is something we discussed and as much as I hate it, it’s for the best. I need to protect Ryan and this is the only way to do it. The last thing I need is for Ian to have to do damage control. He has already been leaving me angry voicemails and once he figures out I’m in Jackson, he’s going to become even more irate. Not that I can blame him. I did leave right after a show without any word to him.
    Ryan follows me through the lobby. As soon as the door opens, I look to my left and then right. I don’t see any cameras, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there, lurking in the shadows and behind brick walls. I slide into the car, followed by Ryan. Once the driver has shut the door, I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
    I search for Ryan’s hand while watching out the windows as the driver takes off. We’re sitting too far apart due to the lack of privacy glass. At least the windows are tinted. Alex will have to be more specific when she orders cars, especially when I’m with Ryan. I don’t want to hold back if I don’t have to.
    Our conversation stills and, believe it or not, we discuss the weather. I never thought I’d be that type of person, apparently I am. Ryan tells me that the temperature here stays fairly warm through the winter, but they do get a lot of rain. He asks me about Christmas in New York City, so I tell him. I watch as his features change, much like you’d assume a little boy on Christmas morning would look. I may have to kidnap him and take him to New York. There is no way I’m not going to try and recreate this image again.
    When we pull into the church parking lot, people stop and stare. I wasn’t thinking. I should’ve rented a car and drove us. This black town car is a sore thumb, a blinking light screaming ‘look at me’! I lean my head back and close my eyes, wanting it all to go away just for two hours so I can meet my boyfriend’s mother without any disruptions. Somehow I doubt that’s going to happen.
    I slip on my