Lost in You

and all it took was one look and I felt this flood of heat and desire go through me, like I was on fire.
    “You ask why you, but I’m saying why not you. You have the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. I could spend hours looking at them. I love how your cheeks turn just the right shade of pink when I touch you. I love the way your hands make me feel, even when it’s something as simple as holding my hand. I don’t care that you live in a rundown house or don’t drive a fancy car. None of that matters as long as I have you. You’re the one I want to be with. I don’t care about your clothes, your money, or some fancy house. I’d gladly give all that up just for you.
    “This past week has been torture for me, not being able to talk to you and when we do talk things are strained. I found out a lot of things this week, things that apparently I did and didn’t do. This is why Ian is being the way he is. I’m trying to figure things out, but I need for you to be patient and help me. I need to know that at the end of my shitty day, my boyfriend is on the other end of the phone listening to me vent and cry. I need you to love me for me and not who I am on the stage or in the papers. That person that you saw yesterday, that’s not the me you know. This me, the one standing in front of you, she doesn’t like Coleman Hollister and wouldn’t be caught dead with him. This me is dying inside thinking that her boyfriend doesn’t want her anymore. This me is so in love with Ryan Stone that nothing else matters.
    “Now tell me, Ryan, why not you?”
    I wasn’t expecting an answer like that. I guess I didn’t know what to expect. She looks at me, waiting for an answer. I shrug and step closer to her. “I’m plain and ordinary, Hadley. All I can offer you is me and I think that sometimes that’s not enough, especially when I see you in the arms of that guy. You bring out these crazy emotions that I don’t know anything about. I don’t know how to control them or make them stop. I’m never going to be the type that can support someone like you. This place, it’s not good enough for you and this is where I’m destined to be. My family expects me to wake up the day after graduation, put on some coveralls and go to the mill. You give me hope. You put these ideas into my head that I can get away from here and do something else, but what? I can’t go to college and the only thing I can do is flip burgers. Are you going to bring me home to your parents and say, ‘here’s my boyfriend, the burger flipper’?”
    “My parents won’t care as long as you make me happy. They live in the same house I grew up in. It’s a small three-bedroom home. My mom is a teacher and my dad is a banker, who takes the train to work, works long hours and falls asleep in his recliner at the end of the night. Anything you offer me is better than what I have now.”
    Hadley steps forward and into my arms. I hold her tight against my chest, burying my face into her neck. She’s wet, cold and shivering, but I am too. We aren’t too smart being out in the rain like this.
    “I didn’t like seeing those pictures,” I mumble against her skin. “It made me feel… I don’t know, like I needed to hit something and I’ve never felt like that before. I didn’t like that.”
    Hadley pulls back. She reaches up and moves my hair out of my face. “I don’t like him, not even in the slightest and I would never do anything to disrespect you.”
    “But you loved him at one time.”
    “I did, but he broke my heart in the worst way and I would never do that to someone I love.”
    I lean down and kiss her softly, which is too much for me to handle. I want so much from her, but not sure how to make that happen. I hate that I’m inexperienced and that everything I’m feeling is so foreign to me. I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. It’s times like this where I need my dad to be somewhat approachable. I know discussing girls with him is off-limits and he’d ban Dylan from coming over. I need someone to talk to, though. Maybe Dylan, she knows how I feel about Hadley and I know she’s done things with guys before.
    I kiss her again before pulling away. She looks like a beautiful drowned rat. Her hair is plastered to her face and her nose is red. I want to wrap her up in my blankets and keep her warm, but that’s not an option. I pull her hand into mine and walk us to her car. I reach for the driver-side door, but she side