Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 8
had been tempered with a touch of relief. The one good thing about Josh's absence was that Trey could stop pretending and hiding, stop stepping back and shoving his feelings out of sight with Josh inches away and yet completely out of reach. When Josh moved and really was too far away to touch, Trey had thought that would make things easier. It turned out to just be a different kind of hard.
"I didn't realize back then," Josh said. "I was so blind. I didn't see it even when I was dating Stefan who was dark-haired and a couple of inches taller and smarter than me and almost had me hooked. I didn't realize that I was glad he had a fatal flaw, because then I didn't have to think about why he wasn't enough. He was never going to measure up, because he wasn't you."
"Bullshit." Trey couldn't believe this, didn't dare. "You never once looked at me like that. Believe me, I'd have known."
"Not back then, no. I told you, it was buried pretty deep. We were both damned certain we weren't gay." Josh faltered. "Or I was oblivious, and you were forced to lie through your teeth. I'm sorry about that too."
"Not your fault. Not your doing, that was all me."
"Tell me that if I hadn't been such a bigot you'd still have stayed in the closet."
"I still might have." Trey was never sure what had driven him to act like a red-necked straight boy, but the self-loathing had been deep. That was not something he was going to let Josh see tonight. Or maybe ever. "Anyway I can't believe..."
His words were cut short as Josh reached out and laid a hand against Trey's face. Just the touch of that warm palm on his cheek caught him up short. Very slowly, Josh slid his fingers back into Trey's hair, cupping his skull. Then Josh leaned forward and kissed him.
Trey closed his eyes and let it happen. If he was dreaming and he was somehow going to pay for this in the aftermath of cold morning light, then so be it; he could no more deny Josh his mouth than he could stop breathing. But Josh didn't demand anything. He brushed Trey's lips softly, followed by light dry kisses that tickled along Trey's jaw and then landed again on his waiting mouth without opening it.
Trey said roughly, "Is that all you've got?"
He heard Josh's intake of breath. "No." And then Trey was being taken, aggressively, finally . Josh's hand behind his head clamped to his skull like a vise, and Josh's other arm yanked him in close. Trey's mouth was spread and filled with Josh's tongue. He opened his eyes, because he needed to see Josh too, needed all his senses filled with Josh.
At this range in the dim light, there was only a blur of tanned skin and dark eyebrow, and the gleam of Josh's grey eyes. Trey wanted to laugh at himself for finding that so wonderful, but he had no breath for laughing and no room in the escalating heat of his body for regret. Josh kissed him as if he was starving, and the hardness of his body pressed to Trey's made the same claim.
Trey wrenched free and backed up a step.
Josh stood blinking at him. "What? I'm sorry. You said... I thought you wanted..."
"I did. I do. Too much." Trey backed up another step so he wouldn't reach for Josh. "So, if it's true confession time. My turn."
"You don't have to say anything."
"Shut up." Trey strode over to the window and yanked back the curtain further. The moonlight brightened the room, but he stared out into the yard and didn't look toward Josh. Hard enough to say this without looking at the man. "I can't do this if you're just trying us out. If it's because you haven't got laid in a while and you think a three day fuck with someone handy might scratch the itch." Sure Josh had said the word 'love' that Trey had waited ten years to hear, but Trey didn't dare let himself believe it. This was too close to fantasy, too deep into the aching decade-long desires of his heart. If it went wrong... How many lovers had Josh had in those ten years? How many of them had he said 'love' to? Trey was damned if he was going to be one of them.
"I don't think of you like that. Dammit, Trey!"
"But I know you. Well, I thought I did. I guess you're more complicated than I realized, but you like sex. You've had a dozen girls... people who you were fucking that you mentioned in your emails over the years, and probably another dozen I never heard about."
"Or more. You're not one of them."
"Not yet. And I won't be. I can't."
"Trey."
He took a deep breath and said it in one fast rush. "Josh, damn you, I've been in love with you
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