Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 8

alone. The cats ate with single-minded appetite and then vanished into the gloom without looking back. He couldn't find a single egg in the hen-house, as if the hens had gone on strike. Even the pony just wandered over to pick at the fresh hay without an eye-roll or a kick his way, like it was too much trouble to mess with Josh if Trey wasn't around to enjoy it. Realistically Josh knew it was probably the heat, but the world felt empty.
    He retreated to the air-conditioned living room and his laptop, but even that couldn't hold his interest. He set it aside and curled up on the couch, letting his thoughts wander. He needed to do something about Trey, but he had to get it right. Just realizing how completely Trey fit the I-want-him slot in Josh's heart wasn't good enough. Until now Josh had mostly done casual and fun and this wasn't going to be casual, if it got to be anything at all. He wanted to prove that. He pulled out his cell phone. Still no messages.
    Slowly he scrolled through his contacts list, and chose one.
    "Josh?" His brother's voice was cautious. "What's up? You never just call me."
    It was true, they mostly did IM and then met up when they happened to be in the same town at the same time. But this wasn't something to do at second hand.
    "Felix, can we talk for a bit?"
    "Um, sure. Is something wrong?"
    "Not wrong but..." Josh took a breath. This was the trial run, preparation for the harder ones to come. "What would you say if I told you I was dating a man?"
    There was a long silence. Then just when Josh was wondering if he should hang up, Felix said tentatively, "You're gay?"
    "Bi, really. But the person I'm, um, interested in is a guy."
    "Have you told Mom?"
    "What do you think?"
    "I think if you had, she would have been on the phone to me a second later telling me to delete you from my contacts list and spit on your picture."
    Josh's stomach lurched, because that was what he'd figured too, although it had been years since the topic had come up between them. "You think she's still like that?"
    "Yeah. Dad too."
    "Fuck." He took a deep breath. "What about you?"
    "I'm not sure. I mean, I don't hate gays, not anymore. I even have a couple of friends who are gay. But you're my brother and you were around back then."
    The words, I'm not gay , hovered on Josh's lips, but that was a cop-out. "So am I still your brother if I want to be with a man?"
    Felix grunted irritably. "Yeah, you are. But this will be one fucking ugly fight if you tell Mom and Dad. I really don't want to get caught up in that. If you're bi, couldn't you just stick with girls?"
    "No," was the simple answer.
    "So this is someone special? Enough to stand up to the 'rents for? Are you sure the guy is worth it? You don't have to tell them everything about you, you know."
    "Believe me, I haven't. But this time, yeah, he's worth it. I think I have to prove I'm not going to hide him." Even if Trey wasn't his yet. Even if he might never be, telling Trey that Josh had come out to his folks would be worth something, surely. Josh rubbed his eyes. Maybe he was just being a complete fool.
    "Well, you'll have to wait anyway. They're on the annual camping trip. No cell service."
    "Oh, yeah. Fuck." Although Josh felt mostly relief that his dad's fondness for low-cost vacations meant his parents were in the wilderness and out of contact. He might have screwed up his courage for the call, but it didn't mean he didn't feel enormous relief at a good excuse to put it off. He could tell Trey he'd tried and maybe get the credit without actually having to make the call. And wasn't that a chickenshit realization.
    "So. What's this man's name?"
    "Um, I don't... He's not out yet either. We're kind of stumbling into this together." God, he hoped they would do it together. "I'll let you know, if you're really going to be okay with it."
    "It sure changes the way I think of you. It'll take some getting used to. But if this guy can make you even consider calling Mom and Dad and saying you're gay, he must be something else."
    "Yeah," Josh said helplessly. "He is."
    CHAPTER 5
    Trey came in as quietly as he could. The house was dark and silent. It was still warm outside, and the entry felt chilly with the AC cranked high. Trey closed and locked the door and headed for the stairs. There was a creaking sound from the living room and he froze. As his eyes adapted to the low light, he realized that the dark shape on one end of the couch was Josh.
    Trey sighed and headed over