Love Means No Shame - Andrew Grey

met Len, and that was that. They’d been together for twenty years. As a child, he’d always called him Len, but he was as much a father as his own had been. It was Len who had taught him to ride his first horse, and it was Len who’d tended his scraped knees. Geoff let out a long breath. “I was really blessed.”
    Pulling his attention back to the sink, he finished the dishes, setting them in the rack to dry. Len was still in the barns, so Geoff wandered through the familiar rooms of the house. The living room was comfortable, the walls covered with framed pictures. Geoff looked at the photograph of him as a child, riding his first pony with Len and his dad on either side of him, both looking so proud. Next to it was a picture of his dad and Len, so young and handsome, both of them smiling widely, their arms around each other’s shoulders.
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Len’s voice brought Geoff back to the present. “That was shortly after we met.”
    Geoff took the photograph from the wall. “You can see the love even in the photograph.” He’d never noticed it before, but it was there as plain as day.

    Len took the photograph and traced the outline of Geoff’s dad.
    “Cliff was special. I knew as soon as I saw him that I loved him.” A tear rolled down the tanned cheek. “This picture was taken the day we first made love under a tree at the edge of the creek.” When Geoff was younger, the thought of his parents having sex had just been gross, but as he got older and helped his father breed animals, his attitude had changed. There were nights as a teenager when the windows were open that he could hear his dad and Len in their big bed. They’d always tried to be quiet, but he’d heard them nonetheless.
    Len hung the picture back on the wall and sat down in his chair. “There are some things we need to talk about.” Geoff sat down in the chair next to him. “What happened?”
    “The cancer kept progressing, and the treatments weren’t helping, so he stopped them just after you left the last time.” Len’s voice was steady, and Geoff wondered how he could do it. “As the weeks went by, the disease progressed. As he got weaker, the pain got stronger; most days he could barely get out of bed. Then, two days ago, I woke to find him up, dressed, and downstairs in the kitchen baking bread.” Len stopped talking, and Geoff waited for him to continue. “That was when I knew.”
    “Knew what?” But he got no response. “Len?”
“Your father and I talked about this when he was first diagnosed.” Len seemed so detached.
“What happened?”
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Love Means … NO SHAME
    “We spent the day together, sitting in these chairs, talking and reminiscing, just the two of us. He seemed like himself again, but I knew that this was his last effort, his Indian summer, if you will.

    That night we went to bed together, and when we woke up, he could barely raise his head.” Len sniffled a little.

    “I let him sleep, and later he managed to get out of bed and moved to the sofa in the upstairs sitting room. That was where I found him when I brought him his medication.” Len’s detached look remained, and Geoff knew something wasn’t quite right.
    “Len, what is it that my father didn’t want me to know?” Len’s head whipsawed to Geoff, and then he smiled weakly.
“Your dad didn’t want me to tell you.” That was his dad, always protecting him.
“What else happened?” Geoff knew Len wouldn’t lie to him, but he would leave things out if he thought Geoff would be hurt by them. Len straightened in his chair. “We talked about this when he was first diagnosed.”
“Talked about what?” Geoff knew his dad pretty well, but he had no idea where Len was leading.
    “Geoff, the pain at the end was severe. The medication only took the edge off.” Tears were running down his cheeks. “Your father cried and begged for the pain to stop. So I helped him back to bed and left his pain medication on the table, and while I was making breakfast, he swallowed the entire bottle.” Geoff sat there stunned. “Why didn’t he…?”
    “He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it if you were here. Can you ever forgive me?” Len broke down and sobbed into his hands. 15
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“There’s nothing to forgive.” Geoff got up and knelt by Len’s chair, hugging the man who’d helped raise him. “What would he have had—a few more
    weeks of pain and suffering? Why should you treat him with less humanity than we’d treat