Lucy in the Sky

cause a scene so I drop it.
    I don’t enjoy the rest of the night at all. Half of the group are on a completely different wavelength but I feel separated from all of them, as they’ve been here drinking for hours and I’m never going to catch up. I really want to go back to the villa and fall into bed. I say this to James.
    ‘Shall I come back with you?’ he asks. Well, yes, that would be nice, I think.
    ‘I will come back with you,’ he says, with certainty in his voice before I even answer.
    To much ‘booing’ from the others we say our goodbyes and head out of the door.
    ‘That was a bit awkward,’ James says, as we walk back up the busy street.
    ‘You could have stayed if you’d wanted to,’ I snap.
    ‘I’m hardly going to leave you to go back on your own, am I?’ he snaps back.
    ‘Just go!’ I tell him fiercely, storming off ahead, which isn’t easy in my strappy heels. I’ve suddenly had enough of the day, of the evening, and of James.
    ‘Lucy, wait,’ he calls, running after me.
    ‘No, seriously, James, just go back and get shit-faced with your so-called mates!’ I’m angry now.
    ‘Hey! That’s not fair. They invited us and I don’t want to get shit-faced.’
    I give him a look.
    ‘Oh, fuck off, Lucy.’
    ‘Maybe I will,’ I tell him meaningfully, before storming off again.
    ‘Do you want the key?’ he calls after me, spitefully. I stop in my tracks. Shit! He walks up the hill towards me in no great hurry. I suddenly want to cry. I suddenly want to speak to Nathan.
    ‘Lucy, come on,’ James says softly when he sees the tears in my eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’
    I follow him as he unlocks the garden gate and leads me past the swimming pool to the front door.
    ‘You can go back if you want,’ I say reasonably.
    ‘I don’t want,’ he answers.
     
    At 3 a.m. I wake and James isn’t in bed next to me. I sit up, brushing the sheets because I can still feel sand in the bed from his beach trip the day before. I get up and pad quietly over to the door. I can hear the others out in the living room. They’re quiet, obviously chilling out now after the mayhem down the main street. James must’ve gone back out there to join them. I climb back into bed, feeling unsettled.
    I doze in and out of sleep but an hour later he still hasn’t returned. I start to feel anxious. I get up again and go over to thedoor. It’s quiet outside. Where the hell is he? I really, really don’t want to go out there and look like I’m nagging him in front of his mates so I get back into bed. I can’t fall asleep.
    At 5 a.m. I can stand it no longer. I pull on the jeans and vest I was wearing earlier and open the door. The light is still on in the living room. I walk silently down the corridor and listen. Nothing. I stick my head out and see that the living room is empty, beer cans and fag ends still covering every surface. Straining to listen, I can just hear voices coming from outside. I peek out through the sliding doors that lead from the living room to the garden. James, Jeremy and Zoe are sitting on the steps, talking quietly. They seem to be alone. I don’t feel comfortable going out there. Jeremy is a twat and Zoe is aloof. I go back to bed, feeling nauseous.
    I wish I had Nathan’s cassette player here with me. I get out of bed and find my phone. It must be about 2 p.m. in Sydney. Sunday afternoon. He’s probably surfing. I type out a text:
    IN SPAIN WITH JAMES N SHITTY LAWYER MATES. FEEL OUT OF IT
    I go to press send then reconsider. I return to the message and type Miss u at the end. Then I press send, my heart aflutter. I stare at the phone and wait. He’s probably surfing, he’s probably surfing, I chant internally. A minute later my phone buzzes. I snatch it up.
    WHAT DO U CALL 10000 LAWYERS AT BOTTOM OF SEA? A GOOD START. MISS U 2
    My heart swells with happiness as I type back:
    HA HA. FUNNY. U NOT SURFING?
    His reply comes back almost immediately:
    NO. WORKING
    NEW HOUSE ALREADY?
    YES. SIGNED FRI
    WOW. IMPRESSIVE. LET U GET BACK TO IT
    OK. DON’T WORRY. B OK. CALL WHEN U GET BACK?
    WILL DO
    After I type this I go back and add a few kisses, then press send.
    Feeling happier and calmer I manage to doze off again and when I wake up at 8 a.m., James is sleeping next to me.
    ‘Oi.’ I prod him.
    ‘Huh?’ he murmurs.
    ‘Where did you go last night?’
    ‘Shush…Sleeping.’
    I sigh and roll over but I’m wide awake now. I grab my phone, go into the ensuite bathroom and lock the