Lucy in the Sky

door. Then I reread Nathan’s text messages from last night.
    MISS U 2
    He misses me. I hold the phone against my chest as though itwill somehow, stupidly, bring me closer to him. Then I read through each message again, and press delete, my heart sinking a little more as each one disappears from my inbox. I do the same with my sent messages.
    An image of my mum’s face regarding me over her teacup comes back to me. I shouldn’t be doing this. I have to be careful. I know it’s wrong, what I’m feeling. But I can’t stop. I can’t help it. I’m falling for Nathan all over again. But he’s on the other side of the world and I’m here, with James.
    I think again, not for the first time, about leaving James. But what then? Where on earth would I go? What would I do? I do love him. He made an effort to bring me over here to be with him this weekend and I know he loves me too. I adore our flat. My job is brilliant. I remember how warm Mandy was with me on Friday night, congratulating me on a spectacular launch. And if I did leave England now I’d really miss my friends. Karen, Reena and I are going to the theatre again next month and Chloe, Gemma and I have decided to make Thursday or Friday a regular drinks night. I’m excited about making some more girlfriends. And what about Somerset? I love going home to Mum, Terry, Tom and Nick. I had such a good time with them over the Easter weekend. My stepbrothers and I went down to the pub on Saturday night and had a few pints together. And Meg was great; she definitely fits in with our family.
    I look down at my phone again. But I miss you, I think. And I miss Sam and Molly, my oldest friends. And Sydney with its crystalline waters, jagged skyline and sunsets so beautiful that they make your heart sing.
    I’ve never felt so torn.

Chapter 17
    ‘I haven’t brought it,’ I say dully, the contents of my carry-on bag strewn across the bed. I’ve forgotten my sodding swimming costume.
    ‘Maybe one of the girls has a spare one,’ James suggests.
    ‘I don’t want to wear one of their spare ones!’
    ‘I’m only trying to help, Lucy. Anyway, why not?’
    ‘They probably wouldn’t fit. Lila and Zoe are like bloody giants!’
    ‘Alright, calm down. Why don’t you go for a wander down the street and buy another one?’
    ‘Do you know how difficult it is to find a decent swimming costume? I tried on millions before I settled on my green bikini!’
    ‘Now you’re just being difficult.’
    ‘No, I’m not!’ Well, yes, I am.
    ‘You can still come to the beach, can’t you?’
    ‘I suppose so,’ I respond sullenly.
    ‘Oh, dear,’ Susannah coos later, ‘what a shame you won’t be able to go swimming. It’s lovely in the water.’
    ‘Just come and stand up to your knees,’ Lila suggests.
    ‘If I had some Big Feet I’d be alright, wouldn’t I, James?’
    He gives me a look.
    ‘What are Big Feet?’ Lila asks.
    James laughs and brushes her off. ‘Nothing, Lucy’s only being silly.’
    I feel a bit mean.
    They all head off to the water, leaving me sitting on the sand with James.
    ‘Stop being so moody,’ he scolds. ‘It’s not their fault you forgot your bikini.’
    ‘And my sunglasses.’
    ‘And your sunglasses.’
    I know, but I just can’t help it. I don’t like them. Any of them. Well, that Jim’s alright but he’s a bit quiet.
    ‘James! Come in!’ Jeremy shouts from the water. James looks at me.
    ‘Come on, then,’ I say, walking over to the water and wading through the waves up to my knees. Susannah’s right; the water is lovely. James goes a bit further out and Edward jumps on him from behind, pulling him underwater. I wince, as I wait for one of them to splash me. Susannah wades over.
    ‘It’s wonderful, isn’t it?’ she says.
    ‘Yeah, nice,’ I agree and make an effort to smile at her. ‘Sorry I couldn’t make it to Henley the other weekend,’ I say.
    ‘Henley?’ she asks, looking confused. ‘Oh, Henley !’ she exclaims. ‘Oh, no, don’t worry about it. We’ll have to go back there another time.’
    The uneasy feeling swirls back into the pit of my stomach. That was a bit odd. How can she not know what I was talkingabout? I glance over at James suspiciously as he tries unsuccessfully to float on his back and comes back up spluttering with water.
    ‘I might go and get an ice-cream,’ Susannah says to me brightly. ‘Anyone want an ice-cream?’ she calls out to the crowd in the water.
    She leaves me standing in