Me

or if it has to do with the global image of the “Latin lover,” but I always had the feeling that certain things were expected of me, among which was the fact that I was supposed to seduce—and allow myself to be seduced by—women. I look at Elton John, who is indisputably an icon, and I think it’s amazing how he has accepted his sexuality. But I am not he, and, culturally, I felt that the implications of accepting my sexuality in front of the world would be a lot more complicated. Maybe if there had been another artist, another Latin idol who had come before me, I might have been less afraid. But the reality is that I didn’t have a role model, and that, in my mind, helped make the whole thing entirely inconceivable. I don’t know if my fears were religious, cultural, or moral . . . probably a combination of the three. All I know is that for a long time, and without realizing the damage I was doing to myself, I carried around a lot of emotional baggage that precluded me from being free. From being me .
    Looking back, I realize that throughout all of those years I lived many dark moments. I was pissed off, full of pain and self-rejection. Although on so many other levels—my career, my family, and my friends—my life was blessed with countless incredible things, there were moments when I would go to bed at night feeling the weight of the world inside as I tried to reconcile the conflicting emotions I felt. They were very painful times. It is horrible to feel you don’t love yourself, and I honestly don’t wish it upon anyone.
    But like everything in life, pain also brings about growth. On my spiritual journey and my travels through India, and with everything I learned in my struggle against human trafficking, slowly but surely I began to find acceptance. I had to learn how to look deep inside my soul to listen to the silence and find my truth—my pure truth, free of all external pressures, expectations, wishes, and rejections. I had to learn to see and love myself exactly as I am. Now, not only can I tell the truth, but I can also talk about my pain and anger that I see as such an injustice—and not only the injustice of human trafficking, but also the injustice felt by anyone who is being judged by others. I had to understand that in the world there are people who are going to love you for who you are, and those who will want you to be exactly like them; and this simple realization hit me hard. If I don’t love myself and if I hide and deny my own self, how can I expect other people to love me for who I really am? It took me a very long time to understand this.

BABY STEPS
    IT WAS APPROXIMATELY five years ago when I understood and felt deep down in the bottom of my soul that I was finally ready to accept my truth. I’d had plenty of time to think, to fall in and out of love, and to live through everything that I had to live through. Until then, even though I knew it deep down in my soul, I didn’t own it, and I didn’t feel the need to tell it to the rest of the world. On the one hand, I felt that it was nobody’s business but my own, and on the other hand, I simply didn’t see how it was going to change anything. Despite the fame, and although I do seem to live a very public life, the truth is that I live my personal life very privately, surrounded by my family and the close friends that I consider family as well, most of whom have known me for decades. And since everyone in my environment already knew and accepted my truth, I didn’t feel the need to tell anyone else. Besides, the fact that everything had to be done in secrecy spiced things up a bit and gave a sense of intrigue to the relationships that, I must confess, I kind of liked.
    Even though I felt comfortable with the people closest to me, I think I didn’t want to tell anyone else because I was afraid they wouldn’t accept me. I thought, “My friends and family accept me because they love me, but what about the rest of the world? Will they judge me? Will they still buy my albums? Will they reject me?”
    As an artist, one always seeks the acceptance and adoration of the audience, and therefore I was afraid this could affect my career. What would happen if I stopped selling records? What if people stopped coming to my shows? Would I have to stop doing what I love most? Today I realize how ridiculous these questions really are, but at the time I thought they were perfectly valid and important. The world has certainly evolved, and