My Butterfly

forced my eyes open, and the first thing I saw was a big, shiny object glaring back at me.
    I swore my heart stopped right then. Which was her left? Which one was her left hand? It was the one the ring was on. I tried to tell myself I had her hands mixed up. I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t a diamond ring—that it was only the grass ring I had given her years ago when I had asked her to marry ME someday. I closed my eyes again and gently squeezed her hand in mine.
    “Jules, please tell me that this is just a pretty ring,” I pleaded, with every last bit of pleading I had in me.
    I opened my eyes and caught another glimpse of the shiny object on her finger before I found her gaze. She was searching in my eyes for something. There was a word on her lips, but she remained silent for the longest moment of my life.
    “It’s not just a ring, Will,” she eventually said.
    Her voice was almost a whisper.
    I swallowed hard and softly cleared my throat. I felt the pain rising into my chest. I tried to shove it back down.
    “The doctor?” I managed to get out.
    I was looking at the ring on her finger again.
    “Yes,” I heard her say.
    I tried to laugh, but it came out sounding too labored to resemble laughter.
    “And I’m guessing this means you said yes ?” I asked, trying my damnedest to smile.
    She slowly nodded her head. There was a half-smile on her lips.
    “Well, I guess congrats are in order then,” I said, swallowing hard again and still trying to muster up that smile that just might not exist anymore.
    “Thanks,” she softly said.
    My eyes fell onto her lips as she finished the word. Then, they returned to her eyes.
    “Just tell me one thing, Jules,” I said.
    My voice had a serious tone to it now.
    “Is he the one?” I asked her.
    She continued to stare into my eyes. Her expression didn’t change, and she didn’t look thrown off or insulted. I expected to have to explain myself—to tell her that I only had her best interest in mind, even if I believed fully that it was in her best interest to be with me.
    “He’s good for me, Will,” she said, finally.
    I held my gaze. If there were such a thing as an out-of-body experience, I was pretty sure that this would qualify as one. I took another deep breath and then slowly forced it out, still keeping my eyes locked in hers.
    It was another long moment before my stare fell to the hard floor at our feet. I tried to say something but nothing came out the first time, so I tried again.
    “Well, that’s what matters,” I whispered. “That he’s the one.”
    I raised my eyes to the rest of the bar then for the first time since we had started dancing. And I watched as heads simultaneously whipped in the other direction, until no one was looking at us anymore. Did they all know? Had they all known that this dance would end with my heart shattered into tiny pieces on the floor?
    I met Jules’s eyes again.
    “It was really good to see you again,” I gently said.
    She seemed to hesitate.
    “It was nice to see you too,” she said.
    Then, she swung her arms around my neck. It surprised me. I almost didn’t know what to do; but eventually, I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her body against mine. Then, I closed my eyes, breathed her in and held her. I held her for all the moments I had missed and for all the moments I was about to miss too, as if me holding her now would keep her from marrying that guy—would keep her in my arms forever. An image from the night she had come to see me in the hospital suddenly appeared in my mind, and I wished I could go back to that day.
    I opened my eyes, and I was still holding her. I spotted Rachel in the back of the room. Her expression looked pained, and I wondered for a second if it were just my pain reflecting back at me. I felt a warm liquid forming in the back of my eyes, and I knew I had to go. I cleared my throat and pulled away from her.
    “Take care, Jules,” I said, starting to turn.
    “You leaving?” she whispered, quickly resting her hand on my shoulder.
    I stared at her hand and the rock on her finger. She seemed to notice my find and hastily retrieved her hand.
    “Yeah, I’m helping out at the station early tomorrow morning—the call of duty,” I said.
    I tipped my baseball cap in her direction and forced what I had left of a smile. Then, I turned and pushed through the screen door. I heard Annie say something about a burger as my feet hit the gravel, but I didn’t stop. I got