Never Forget (Memories)

know it's written all over my face. The agony I feel is clear for her to see.
    "It's my fuckin' fault, Jen, mine. My. Fucking. Fault! You know me. You know I never wanted to hurt her. I..'' I screw my eyes shut tightly. ''I'd rather die than hurt her.''
    "Yeah I know you. I know you well enough to know you need to stop or I'll kick some sense into your balls!" She stands up straight, fire in her eyes. "You think it's your fault? She's hurting, Alec, big time. Vi didn't want you to tell her and you respected her wishes. That's all there is to it. When things have calmed down, Lexy will see that too."
    I turn my head away back out to sea.
    "Alec," she says softly. "She loves you. She really loves you, she's just - angry. She feels betrayed. Give her time."
    "Time for what?" I turn to her. "So she can realise I'm the prick I promised her I wasn't? That's what's gonna happen."
    "You don't know that-"
    "Yeah, Jen. I do. And I don't blame her for a second."
    "Alec-"
    "Leave me alone, Jen. Please." I lean back against the rock again. Jen nods softly and walks back across the sand.
    "Alec.'' She turns and I raise my eyebrows. "She does love you. I promise."
    I nod once, sharply, and look away from her.
    Lexy. My Princess. The little city girl who's done what no other ever has.
    Made me fall in love.

    ~

    ALEXIS

    Numbly, I watch the water flow from the tap into the bath. I stop the tap. Start it again. Stop it. For the sixth time.
    I step out of my clothes and turn the heat of the shower up high, putting the pressure up too. A day of tears has gradually numbed me. I can't feel anything anymore.
    Blankly, I move into the shower and shut the door. The water beats down on me red hot but I can't feel it. It's just a pressure that drowns me in rivulets of water. I tilt my head back and silent tears mix with the shower.
    Water drips down my body in a silent caress until I can't take anymore.
    Every pound on my back, every tickling stream down my leg, every gentle drop on my arm reminds me of the feel of Alec's skin against mine. The flick of his tongue, the stroke of his fingers as they link through mine, the warmth of his body against me as he held me close and promised he'd always be there.
    Lies.. Just one after another. He didn't tell me. He's not here. Everything he promised me he's broken.
    'I wish I could have told you.'
    His words spin round, and round, and round. I lean against the shower door, feelings conflicting inside me like a battle to the death, each one more desperate and clawing than the last. I want to run into his arms and let him hold me, take away the memories of seeing Gram so broken. I want him to make it better, promise me she'll be okay.
    But Alec and promises don't go together. I know that. I always knew it, because deep down he's too much like Bing, and Bing couldn't keep a promise to a girl to save his life.
    But I still trusted him. I still fell in love with him, and now I'm in too deep to get out.
    I slide down the shower door to the tiled floor. I curl up and sit in the corner, silently. No water running. No crying. No whispered pleas to myself.
    Just me, and the sound of a broken heart that's still beating.

    ~

    The moon shines through the kitchen window as I pad my way down the stairs. I've avoided my family since they got back from the hospital and I kicked Bing out of my room. I sigh. Maybe I was a little hard on him. Maybe.. The jury is still out on that one.
    I pull the chocolate milk from the fridge and stand by the sliding glass doors, looking out at the garden and drinking from the carton. I smile ever so slightly at what Gram would say. She'd tell me to 'get a bloody glass and drink it normally!' then proceed to drink it from the carton herself.
    I giggle slightly and rest my forehead against the cold glass. My breath blows across it, frosting it up. I trace the pattern of my tattoo on it, the heart, the lines through the centre and the dots on the side. Unconditional love.
    Forever. Always. Infinity.
    The kind of love I have for Grammy. I trace the symbol another three times, basking in the silence of the cottage. I look outside. Stars.. the moon.. the stars.
    Alec.
    No. I close my eyes. No.
    ''You're up late.. Early.'' Mum says softly behind me.
    ''I couldn't sleep,'' I reply, turning round slowly.
    She nods and smiles sadly. ''Me either. I rang the hospital.''
    ''How is she?'' I look up into her eyes.
    ''No change.'' She traces a pattern absently on the kitchen counter. ''No change is