Nightside 10 - The Good the Bad and the Uncanny

with a darker colour,” he said. “What are you doing here, Agatha? I didn’t think you liked people from your new life knowing where you came from.”
    “Into every life a little slumming must fall,” said Agatha. “I’ve brought you your monthly blood money.”
    She took an envelope from an inner pocket and slapped it on the bar between them. Alex snatched it up.
    “Do I need to count it?”
    “It’s a cheque, Alex. No-one uses cash any more.”
    “I do. Credit has no place in a bar. Why deliver the alimony in person, Agatha? You’ve always sent a messenger before.”
    “Because I heard about you and your latest,” said Agatha, smiling sweetly. “A teenager, Alex? You always did like them young and impressionable.”
    “At least I like them alive!” snapped Alex.
    My head came up sharply at that, but neither of them had time for me now. They were glaring at each other so fiercely they were all but incinerating the air between them.
    Agatha gave Alex her best superior smile. “Do I really need to remind you of the terms of our agreement? If you choose to marry again, you’re on your own, Alex. No more money.”
    “Typical of you, to think of that first,” said Alex. “And you’ve got a hell of a nerve, criticising me on my choice of lover. You cheated on me with Merlin!”
    “Hold everything,” I said. I knew better than to get involved, but this was too good to miss. “You had sex with Merlin, Agatha? Our very own dead but not departed enough sorcerer, Merlin Satanspawn? The one who used to be buried under this bar? That is so tacky ...”
    “You didn’t know him like I did,” said Agatha. “He was so much more mature than Alex.”
    “Only in the sense that cheese gets mature if you leave it lying around long enough,” said Alex. “The back-stabbing bastard! He possessed my body so he could have sex with you! It took me ages to figure out why I kept waking up in odd places. You cheated on me using my own body!”
    “And he was so much better in bed than you,” said Agatha.
    Women always fight dirty.
    Alex started to reach for one of the many unpleasant weapons he kept behind the bar, then stopped himself. “Get out of my bar, Agatha. My life is none of your business any more.”
    “I’ll go where I please! I still have a lot to say to you ...”
    “No, you don’t. Leave. Or I’ll show you one of the nastier magic tricks I inherited from Merlin Satanspawn.”
    Agatha hesitated, then sniffed loudly, turned on her heel, and stalked out of the bar. I looked thoughtfully at Alex. He might have been bluffing, or he might not. Alex looked at me.
    “I might have known she’d turn up, after you mentioned meeting her sister Augusta Moon at the Adventurers Club.”
    “Big woman, Augusta,” I said. “Very ... hearty.”
    “She fancies you,” said Alex.
    “I’d rather stab myself in the eyes with forks.”

    I retired to a private booth at the back of the bar, with the bottle of Valhalla Venom and a glass, so I could drink and brood in peace. Never get involved in domestic disputes. Whatever you say, you’re going to be wrong. One of the many reasons why I don’t do divorce work. I could still remember Alex and Agatha when they first got together. We were all a lot younger then. They were so happy, so full of life, so sure of all the great things they were going to do. Their love burned in them like a fire, and I was so jealous, so sure I’d never know anything like it. Agatha and I never really got on, but we pretended for Alex’s sake.
    When the end came it came quickly, and apparently out of nowhere. Agatha walked out on Alex because he wouldn‘t, couldn’t, leave the bar; and she was determined to get on in the world and make something of herself. She’d never hidden her streak of naked ambition, but it was still a shock when she just disappeared one evening, in pursuit of her dreams. She never looked back. Never contacted any of her old friends. She was going places, and we weren’t. I didn’t know about the Merlin business; I don’t think anyone did. But it wouldn’t surprise me if she engineered the whole thing, just to make sure Alex wouldn’t try to stop her leaving. Agatha always was the practical one in their relationship.
    I really hoped the thing with Alex and Cathy would work out. Even in the Nightside, miracles can happen. Look at me and Suzie Shooter. I sure as hell didn’t see that one coming. We were closer than ever now. It still surprised me,