Notorious Nineteen

away and took off. I didn’t bother chasing him. I knew I couldn’t catch him.
    “He’s fast,” Connie said. “Next time you need to zap him.”
    Connie went back into the office, and I looked the car door over for crowbar damage.
    Ranger parked behind me and walked over. “What’s going on?”
    “Someone tried to break into the Buick.”
    “The Buick is enchanted,” Ranger said. “It’s impervious to damage and breaking and entering. Why would someone want to steal it?”
    “It’s a classic.”
    “Besides that.”
    “He was after the tiki in the backseat. It’s sort of his.”
    “I have good news and bad news,” Ranger said. “What do you want to hear first?”
    “The good news.”
    “Actually I lied about the good news. It’s all bad. Kinsey got another message. This time it was written on his living room wall. He found it when he came home from the hospital.”
    “You didn’t get one?”
    “No. I feel neglected.”
    “It would be hard to get to your living room,” I said. “Being that it’s in a building more secure than the Pentagon.”
    “You managed to get in.”
    “You allowed me in.”
    Ranger smiled. “I don’t have a lot of fun. I can’t afford to waste an opportunity.”
    “You threatened to throw me out the window!”
    “I was playing.”
    “You weren’t playing when you got in bed next to me.”
    “No,” he said. “The play ended.”
    We considered that for a moment, and I thought it best to move on.
    “Is there more bad news?” I asked him.
    “Kinsey and his fiancée are worried the wedding has a bull’s-eye on it.”
    “Good thought. I’d be worried too.”
    “Glad you understand the problem, because they want to replace one of the bridesmaids with you. They thought it was a good idea to have someone undercover, close to the bride.”
    “No. No, no, no. I don’t want to be a bridesmaid. Been there, done that. I’ll have to wear some awful dress, and it won’t fit me. And I’ll have to do that stupid step, stop, step, stop all the way down the church aisle. And there’s the rehearsal dinner.”
    “You’ll be on the payroll,” Ranger said.
    “You couldn’t pay me enough.”
    “Babe, everyone has a price.”
    I locked eyes with him. “What about you? Do you get to be a bridesmaid too?”
    “I’m the best man.”
    I was momentarily speechless. “Were you always the best man?”
    “Yes.”
    “Holy cats.”
    “Can we get serious? Get past the deal with the dress? Kinsey has asked me to help with security for the wedding. As a professional I agree that it would be a smart move to include you in the bridal party. As someone who is very fond of you and has already gotten you poisoned, I’m not entirely excited about the idea. If you feel uncomfortable doing this for reasons that go beyond the dress I’ll understand. Whether or not you take this assignment has to be your choice.”
    “If I get poisoned again I want a bonus.”
    “Deal. The wedding is next Saturday.” He handed me a card. “The dress will need to be fitted. Here’s the address of the bridal salon. Sooner would be better than later.”
    A text message came in on his phone, he turned on his heel, got into his Porsche, and drove off.
    I looked at Tiki in the backseat. “Do not say anything .”
    I shoved the card into my back pocket and drove to Norma Kruger’s condo complex. The two-story faux Colonial buildings were originally designed as apartment units. The buildings had been converted to condos when mortgage money was easy to get, and now in a more difficult economy I was guessing a lot of the units were being rented out. From what I could tell each unit had two parking spaces assigned by house number. Most of the spaces were empty. This was a complex of young professionals who were working at this time of day. Except for Norma Kruger, who worked the night shift. A red Jaguar convertible occupied Norma’s parking space. I pulled in next to the Jag and cut the engine. I walked to the door and rang the bell.
    Norma Kruger answered with a raised eyebrow. Not overjoyed to see me. Suspicious of my intent. Possibly I looked like I was selling religion door-to-door.
    “What?” she asked.
    “I’d like to talk to you about Geoffrey Cubbin.”
    “Are you a cop?”
    “Bond enforcement.”
    She gave a bark of laughter. “You mean like Dog the Bounty Hunter? Aren’t you supposed to be decked out in leather?”
    “We don’t all dress like Dog,” I said.
    “How