Now or Never

completely beside myself. I wasn’t even in love with him in the last few months of our relationship. I let myself become this person who I thought he wanted me to be, that I lost who I was…if I ever even found that out, I am only 20 years old after all. I lost all of my friends and passions in life when I was with Tuck, so now here I am at 20 years old with no friends and no social life. I am beyond insecure and unaware of who I want to be or what I want out of this life. To say I am uncomfortable in my own skin is the understatement of the century.
    Tuck really fucked with my head. How can you be basically living with someone for almost two years, and decide to just become this different person? I will never forget that day, the day where I became numb. There were warning signs; I just chose to ignore them. Tucker started sleeping back at his parents’ house a couple of nights a week instead of with me every night. He just said it was because it was closer to his work, so I took it for what it was.
    It was Tuesday morning and I had class at the local University at noon. As I was grabbing my things to head out to school, I noticed Tuck’s work shirt was left at my place. So I decided to run it by his house for him so he wasn’t late for work. Being in such a rush, I didn’t even think to call him I just drove to his place and ran up to the door. His mom kindly let me in the house saying that she missed me and it was good to see me. But she had this look on her face that I will never forget. The usual charming, church going Mrs. Green didn’t have her usual big smile on her face. She had a look of fear and confusion in her eyes. I told her why I came by and that I would just run up to Tuck’s room to give him his shirt and be off to school. I’m not sure if she tried to grab me or talk me into just giving her the shirt because I was in a rush, and hell I wanted to kiss my boyfriend. When I got to his bedroom door it was locked and I heard music playing. I knocked…nothing. I knocked louder…nothing.
    I banged on the door and shouted, “Tucker open up it’s me you forgot your work shirt.”
    Finally I got a reply with him saying through the door, “Cool thanks just leave it by the door.”
    “Tuck open the door why is it locked? What the hell is going on?”
    “Willow go away I have a fucking headache, just leave the shirt thank you.”
    At this point I could feel my entire body getting hot and my hands were starting to sweat and shake. I just kept banging on the door until finally his mom yelled upstairs, “Tucker you open that door or I will do it for you!”
    The door cracked open, and I pushed through with all my might. I stood there with my mouth open in shock (so cliché but yes it happened), I needed a minute to take it all in. There in the room where I shared many memories with this guy that I loved for two years, was this girl I have never in my life seen sitting on his bed. She was just sitting in her short shorts with her legs crossed and a shit eating grin spread across her perfect little face.
    “What the fuck is this? Who the fuck are you?”
    This bitch gets up and comes over to me and holds her hand out for me to shake it, “Hi, I’m Nicole nice to meet you.”
    I smacked her hand out of my way and she laughed and sat back down on the bed.
    “Tucker who the fuck is this girl and why the hell is she sitting on your bed? Why was the door locked? Tell me what the hell is going on right now!”
    “She works with me we were just talking about work and getting ready to head out,” He spoke so calmly and clear minded that I almost believed his bullshit.
    I looked at him, and then back at her sitting on the bed. The bed was looking pretty rough and if his lame story was true then the door didn’t need to be locked for one thing. That’s when I made my move. I lunged across the room almost as fast as I intended to. I wanted to rip that girl’s hair out more than I had ever wanted to do anything in my life.
    Tucker grabbed me, pulled me back, and dragged me out of his room closing the bitch in his room behind him, but not after whispering “sorry” to her. I didn’t get a “sorry”, but the perfect little smiling Nicole girl did. I managed to get away from his hold and ran down the stairs to confront his mother.
    “Mrs. Green,” I asked with tears welled up in my eyes ready to flow at any moment, “who is the girl in Tucker’s room?”
    All she did was look at me with that