Now That Hes Gone

have the opportunity to improve your financial situation.
Local, state and federal governments all offer support to those in need.
    That's a pretty good list right there. I'm sure you could add to it. In fact, it would be an empowering experience to take out paper and pen right now and write down any other things you can feel grateful for. Notice that every one you write makes you feel a little bit better.
Be Grateful for What You Can Give
    After you've completed your list of all the things you can think of to be thankful for, I'm going to suggest one other, and it's important: Be thankful that you have the ability to contribute to the lives of others. The ability to give is important because, now that your old life's picture is gone, you can and should create a new one. If your previous life was “Plan A,” your new life is “Plan B.” Though you most certainly will want to get input from others, only you can ultimately formulate this plan.
    The first question to ask yourself in creating Plan B is, “What will it look like?” How are you going to spend your time and energy? If you need to work in order to support yourself and your family partially or fully, that will of course be a major component. But what about your off-work hours? No doubt there are things you've wanted to do for years, but marriage and family came first. Some things you will do “just for me,” and I encourage that. After what you've just been through, you deserve to be good to yourself, and even indulge yourself if you can afford to. When you're alone and feeling devastated after a death or divorce, it's natural to want such things.

    Beyond that, you're naturally inclined to want other people to give to you as well. This is fine; you should allow yourself to accept people's love, support, friendship, companionship, sympathy—and whatever else they're willing to give, as we've discussed in previous chapters. But after a while, that has to change. Eventually, you must start giving to others. In building your new life, in creating Plan B, contributing to the lives of others could play an important part. It's only by getting “outside yourself” and helping others to live better, healthier or more productive lives that your own life will grow and expand.
    I've specialized in giving financial advice to women in your situation for many years now, and have come to know quite a few of them. I've noticed that the ones who recover from their loss and go on to live a happy, fulfilling Plan B are those who come up with ways to take their attention off their situation and be of service to their fellow human beings. In other words, they are “givers.” And they teach us one of life's most valuable lessons.
In Every Adversity, the Seed of a Greater Good
    This book has a number of key messages that I believe will be helpful to you in creating your Plan B. One of them is a point brought out in the previous chapter—that in life, it's not so much what happens to you that determines how happy you'll be, it's what you do with what happens. Napoleon Hill, the great inspirational author, was famous for this timeless statement: “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” Hill discussed this idea many times in his writings and gave examples of people who suffered a great setback, only to have it lead to something bigger and better in their lives. Among people I've known, no one's experience illustrates this more than that of my client Noreen.
    Noreen was born in a large Midwestern city, went to Catholic elementary school, then public high school and college. She was friendly and popular, but admits she didn't have much time “for boys.” She was a good student, was active in extracurricular activities, and eventually got both her Bachelor's and Master's degrees in nursing. Her parents were, in her words, “the best. My mother was loved, adored and respected by everyone. My dad was a real sweetheart.” She met and married an ambitious young trial lawyer. They had a son. She seemed to be living a storybook life. But in the late 1980's, that story took an awful turn.
    For no apparent reason, Noreen began losing her balance. She would stumble and fall on level ground or suddenly keel over while just standing and talking. Being a nurse, she naturally sought the advice of doctors she knew. But Noreen had one major factor working against her. In the intervening years, her husband had become