Now That Hes Gone

Chapter 1 – “Am I Going to Be OK?”
    The woman who sits across the desk from me is a study in contrasts. Her appearance is professional, sophisticated, stylish. Her clothes come from an upscale suburban boutique. Her hair and nails are impeccably done. But her make-up, which was also impeccable when she walked into my office, is now a smudgy mess. She dabs at her eyes with her third tissue, smearing her mascara even more. The tears just won't stop flowing.
    “I'm sorry, Bev,” she says, apologizing for about the fifth time, “This is not like me at all. I usually have it all together. But ever since Phil died, I can't seem to stop crying. I don't eat. I don't go out. I don't open the mail. I don't answer the phone. I don't call anyone. I don't know what to do; I'm overwhelmed.”
    From our conversation, I've learned that Gloria had a successful career, raised three children, spent nearly 30 years in a reasonably happy marriage, and has always managed to handle whatever life threw her way. But when Phil died, everything changed.
    “I know we've got money,” she continues, still thinking of herself as part of a couple. “We have the house, of course, the lake cottage, some mutual funds, some insurance. But is that going to be enough? I have a vague idea how much things cost, but can I cover all the upkeep, taxes and house expenses, and still have some left over to live on? Will I have to dip into savings every month? Will I run out of money? There's just so much I don't know. I worry about everything. Am I going to be OK?”
    This scene, or something like it, has played itself out in my office dozens, maybe even hundreds of times in my 20-plus years as a financial advisor. “Gloria” is a composite of the kinds of women I most often see. She's in her middle years, having spent most of her adult life with a man. And while she is intelligent, competent and certainly able to take care of herself, the sudden loss of her man, through death, divorce or break-up, has left her feeling lost, alone and just plain scared.
    I find it ironic that women who come to me wanting financial advice so often need help in other areas of their lives as well. So we sit and I let them talk, pouring out their fears, voicing their worries and using up boxes of tissues. Some of these women have begun calling me their “financial therapist,” which I take as a compliment, even though I most certainly don't do “therapy” in the psychological sense. What I do is simply offer to help.
    “Gloria,” like so many women in her position, needs a lot of help, and not just in managing her money. She needs to learn how to manage her life—everything from taking care of the leaky plumbing to building a whole new social circle. It is overwhelming. But what she needs to know is that she's more than capable of handling it. She needs to know that she will be OK.
    That means you need to know that you will be OK. But you've got some work to do.
Let's Start with the Easy Part: Money
    If you're a woman who has lost her man, you're probably reading this book because the title struck a chord, or someone who cares about you gave it to you as a gift. If so, you've got a lot questions right now, and the most important one is, “Am I going to be OK?” I could say, “There, there, Dear, of course you'll be OK,” but you've probably heard that quite a few times already from well-meaning friends and relatives. If you're like nearly all the women I work with, you need more than that. You need some concrete proof.
    The biggest worry always seems to be money. I say money is the “easy” part for one reason: it's measurable. Money can be counted. Unlike with many other issues, you can get a clear picture of your money situation simply by counting what you have and comparing it to what you need.
    For many women, money is a big mystery and a source of great anxiety. Even wealthy women who are suddenly on their own fear that they don't know enough about money, don't have enough of it and won't be able to live as they're used to. If this in any way describes how you view it, the first thing I want you to know is that there's nothing mysterious about money. You can find out where you stand quite easily. That doesn't mean you won't have money problems. It just means that your problems will be easier to define and deal with than many other types of problems you'll encounter from here on.
    The next thing I want you to know is that the concerns you have about