Now That Hes Gone

mention her stacks of newspapers and magazines.
    “But I learn the most from people,” she says. Especially new people, who come into her life constantly. Stella seems to be always making new friends and introducing them to her old friends, thus endlessly widening her social circle.
    Unlike Anne, Stella sees herself, not as a victim but as a victor in life. She rarely dwells upon the past, except when she recalls a particularly hilarious or embarrassing event that took place somewhere in her long history. The painful parts of her past she dismisses as just so many lessons she had to learn the hard way. And she actually does celebrate her life, rejoicing in what has happened and what is happening to make life the joy it is for her. When I'm around her, I feel invigorated, excited, happier. Her energy is contagious. I, like so many other people, want to be around her. She feels like a winner—a victor, rather than a victim.
The Honeymoon from Hell
    Deborah and Jeff were young, healthy, happy and in love. They had just gotten married and were on their much-anticipated honeymoon in one of the most beautiful spots in the South Pacific. Everything in Deb's life was going according to plan. That is, Plan A, which had been written in her mind and heart many years before.
    Both Deborah and Jeff were born on the part of the East Coast reminiscent of the Kennedy family compound. His was a large Catholic clan and hers a smaller family of professional parents. They met in nursery school and by the time college rolled around they were committed to one another for life. Both sets of parents were delighted when the couple announced their plans to marry and have a family—so much so that they pooled their resources and paid for both the wedding and the honeymoon.
    As the romantic week unfolded and the feelings of love and adulation accelerated, Deb and Jeff decided to spend their final afternoon at poolside where they had a private patio and cabana. Jeff was an accomplished competitive diver on his college team and was anxious to impress his new bride. He climbed out onto the diving board and did a beautiful jackknife into a pool which was only 5 1/2 feet deep. He crashed into the bottom of the pool and broke his neck.
    The doctors’ prognosis was bleak. The couple was told that Jeff's 3 rd , 4 th , and 5 th cervical vertebrae were broken and his spinal chord was severely damaged. Jeff's injury would result in his losing all functions below the chest line. The “sentence” was that Jeff would be a quadriplegic for the rest of his life. And he was not yet 30 years old.
    Deborah's Plan A was over before she even had a chance to try it out. Instead of a healthy, athletic, productive new husband to build a family and life with, she did not actually have a “husband” in the accepted sense of the word. She had a man who was physically almost helpless and would be dependent on her indefinitely. He was told that he would never walk, work, or be able to have children. Deborah and Jeff were told that they probably would not stay married either. Rather, statistical studies had demonstrated that the stress and strain on a marriage given someone in Jeff's condition were terribly difficult to withstand.
“If you work hard, you can do anything…”
    Despite the gloomy prospects for their future, Deborah refused to accept defeat. “Jeff was so depressed and lethargic, I had to pretend that I did not feel his desperation. I kept going back to what my parents taught me, which was, if you work hard you can do anything to which you set your mind.” Deb read every inspirational story she could find about people who had overcome horribly difficult situations but who came out on the other side reporting that their lives were fulfilling and successful.
    Once Deborah accepted that these circumstances were really going to define their lives, she got to work. She remembered her grandmother's constant support of her parents. She would always advise, “Don't worry, work.” Deborah landed an administrative job in a Fortune 500 company and literally clawed her way to the post of Chief Financial Officer. She says that at times, she actually felt guilty about her success because in succeeding, she had to leave Jeff sitting at home. Much to Jeff's credit, he encouraged Deb every step of the way including her developing friendships and spending time playing tennis and running marathons. “At one marathon, Jeff was there to cheer me over the finish