Now That Hes Gone

simply must be placed into the hands of the Higher Power, which most people call God. I felt comfort and consolation in this.
    The other area of my life that needed work was community. Most of my old friends were couples and we didn't stay in touch any more. Since my social life was a barren wasteland, I decided to make a concerted effort to meet new people and bring them into my life. How would I do it?
    Still a member of a support group, I began meeting people, mostly women. Some of them were so stuck in their grief and anger, they couldn't get past it. They just kept going to meetings so they'd have someone to tell their sob stories to. But others, having gone through that stage, were ready to move on, to build a new life, as I was. The trouble was, I didn't want to socialize in the evenings. After a long day at the office, I wanted to go home and lose myself in a book or a made-for-TV movie. Yet I knew it was important to make room for people in my life, specifically the women I was meeting in my group and in my business.
    As for the method, I chose a familiar path. I love to cook and I'm good at it, so I entertained a lot. I invited women to my house and fed them. At that point, I didn't focus on men. I always had a lot of men in my life. I was surrounded by them at work. I lived in a man's world. What I needed was women friends.
The Girls’ Club
    When our ancestors lived in caves, men spent much of their time out hunting or making war. Women stayed behind, caring for the children and doing the dozens of little domestic tasks that women still do today. To be close to the heat and light, women sat in a circle around the fire. What did they do in these circles while they were cooking dinner, mending clothes and nursing their babies? They talked. They exchanged information and advice. They supported one another and helped their sisters deal with their problems.
    This practice, which is as old as humankind, tells me that women were never intended to be alone. Being together is the natural order of things and despite the isolation and alienation we feel in this modern high-tech world, we women still need to get together, sit in a circle, talk and help each other out.
    In going to my support group, which also included men, I discovered that what was missing from the lives of the other women was also missing from mine: a connection with women of similar age with similar values, problems and feelings. I decided that I needed to form a group of such women. It would be only for women. We would get together at my house. We would eat well. We would talk about and deal with issues important to us. We would give each other what women can only get from other women. I called this group “Just Us Girls”. Perhaps not the most politically correct name, since “girls” is what condescending, un-liberated men call women. But we don't care. We're all still girls at heart, and we can call our club whatever we want.
    I've been told by club members that unlike the women stuck in the grief support groups, whom I'll call “wallowers,” the women in J.U.G.S. are “seekers”. They are seeking to make new friends, learn new skills, build a new life, and the atmosphere at our meetings reflects that.
    Here's an example of a typical J.U.G.S. meeting. I invite from 10 to 15 women to my house. Some are from other, mixed-gender groups. Some are clients. Some are newly divorced or widowed and have found out about our group from a friend. I leave the office early and go home to cook something really scrumptious. When the “girls” arrive, we talk and we eat. Then we have a guest speaker, like a cosmetic surgeon who answers questions about the relative costs and benefits of the various procedures that women our age are tempted to have done. Our topic or theme is always something of interest or concern to women with our particular demographics. In other words, we learn about what we care about.
    My girls love our “J.U.G.S. Club”. For many of them, it's been a valuable pathway up and out of their grief and isolation to a life of connection, renewed hope and positive action. The meetings are important, but even more so are the friendships that develop. Women exchange phone numbers and email addresses. They get together in two's and three's and form deeper bonds. They empower each other to climb back into the world and start living fully again.
Don't Have a “J.U.G.S Club?” Start One.
    Women I talk to in other cities are envious of