Now That Hes Gone

what my “girls” and I are doing. “I wish I had a group like that where I live,” they say. My advice is always the same: “So start one.” How? To begin with, I suggest you join a support group for people who have suffered the loss of a loved one. There are many such groups in towns of every size. When you attend, look for women you feel a connection with and cull them out. Ask them if they'd like to get together with other women in similar circumstances. You can expect only three possible responses: yes, no, or not now. None of those answers can hurt you, so you should have no fear about asking. If a woman is not open to the idea, fine. Let her go. There are plenty of others, and when you start looking, you will be surprised by how many you find.
    You can find women for your “J.U.G.S. Club” in spiritual organizations, hiking groups, bridge clubs—in fact, any kind of situation in which women with common interests get together. If you have trouble finding such groups or are reluctant to go out and look for them, don't be discouraged. Today you have a powerful tool that wasn't available the first time you were single: the Internet. Look into it. There are any number of online bulletin boards and other Internet-based devices that people use to make contact.
    The truth is, if you really want to connect with other women, you have no excuse not to. You just have to make the effort. It might be easier than you think. Offer most woman a chance to share a meal and talk with other women about things they all care about and see how much positive response you get. Make sure to find women who are interested in growing, rather than wallowing in their misery. In other words, women like you.
Your Next Life: Better Than Ever
    Several years ago, Tom Hanks starred in a movie called “Cast Away.” In this film, his plane crashes and he becomes stranded alone on a small island in the middle of the Pacific. Among the wreckage that floats ashore is a FedEx package with a volleyball in it. Hanks swats at the ball and his handprint makes a kind of face on it. Hanks begins talking to this face, which he calls “Wilson” because that's the name printed on the ball.
    For four years, Hanks survives on the island and his only “companion” is Wilson. When he finally figures out a way to get off the island and be rescued, he makes a raft, ties Wilson to it and they sail past the reef into the open ocean. At one point, because of rough seas, Wilson becomes detached from the raft and begins to float away. When Hanks notices this, he suddenly realizes that he is losing his sole friend and confidante, the only face he's had to talk to for four years. In a bizarre scene, Hanks jumps off his raft, his only hope of survival, and begins to swim after the volleyball. The more he swims, the farther away it drifts. Finally, Hanks is at the end of the rope linking him to the raft. He realizes that to get the ball he has to give up the raft. With tears and cries of grief and agony, Hanks is forced to let his only friend go so that he can make his way back into the world, back to his next life, whatever that might look like.
    A woman who finds herself on her own in mid-life faces a similar situation. Your man, your partner and companion for much of your life, is gone beyond your reach. At some point, you simply must let him go in order to put yourself in a position to build your next life. Your old life picture, if it was a good one or not, is no more.
    Yes, I realize your life is not great now. You've lost a big part of your world and have not yet replaced it. At times, the sorrow and emptiness can seem to swallow you. My message to you is that a new, really great picture is possible. It may be difficult at first, but Sister, hang in there. Take the steps outlined in this book, follow the example of the women profiled and you'll have that new picture. It will happen, but not by accident and not by itself. You have to make the effort.
    I know this is scary. But as I tell my “girls,” I'll hold your hand. I'll help you. I know how you feel. Other women know how you feel too. We'll all help you. You might be on your own, but you're not alone. You don't ever have to be alone if you don't want to. You can start over. Your next life can be better than the one you just lost. I've done it. My clients and friends have done it. We are happy to welcome you to our circle.
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Chapter 3 – Open Your Front Door
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