Savage Tales

them a pamphlet for a vacation in the desert. "Sahara," it said.
    "That sounds fun," said Richard, now a man. "How much?"
    "Only one thousand dollars per person," said the shady looking man.
    "That's expensive," said Angie. "Come on, Rich."
    "No," said Richard. "We have just that much."
    "But we're saving for a house."
    "I've always wanted to visit the desert," said Richard.

    So they took a plane to Algeria and arrived in the desert and rented camels to go deep, deep into the Sahara. After a few hours they were lost. They decided to eat the camel to survive. Then they started to dehydrate and starve like at the beginning of this story because that was them you just didn't know it at the time because you didn't really know their story.
    And as they stared into the black sun they remembered their days working in the diner and how they had planned to buy a house and raise children. But thanks to his selfish desire to see the stupid desert they died staring into the light of the black sun.

INVERSE

    I was at the bar and who should walk in but Humphrey Bogart.
    He didn't look like he did in films. I don't mean to say he didn't look like Bogey, sure he did, but his expression just didn't look like in the movies. Like up there with that smooth cool way and that knowing look in his eyes that said, "I know, I know."
    This guy looked more like a kid in a man's body, and he approached the bar with far too much eagerness.
    "Vodka straight on the rocks," he said, which didn't seem like the type of drink he needed. In fact, he seemed like he'd already put a few away before he'd pulled in there. I hoped he wasn't driving.
    "You're –" the bartender started to speak, but Bogart cut in.
    "Yeah, yeah, save it. Just give me a napkin and I'll sign it and we'll call it even for the bill."
    And I thought it might have been more high class to wait for the suggestion from the bartender or another patron (not me, not for that slob, however much I liked The Maltese Falcon ) who might want to buy a drink for the big guy. But to cut in with that talk before the glass was even in front of him – that was just crass.
    "S-sure," the bartender said. "Sure, Mr. Bogart."
    Bogart looked at me and give a nervous monkey smirk and then cruised his eyes over the rest of the bar, and something caught 'em. It was those Chinese woman down at the end in a booth, minding their own business. I saw him zoning in on them, and when he got his drink he left the stool and made his way over to their table. I could hear what he was saying… that brazen abrasive loudness that vibrated through the late afternoon.
    "Ladies, please allow me to introduce myself. I am big time famous American movie star Humphrey Bogart. You savvy?"
    They looked him over, obviously knowing his name and face, but unused to such intrusions.
    "Sir?" said the younger one, who seemed barely old enough to be in a bar.
    "Sir Humphrey," he said. "But just call me Hump. And don't you want to know why."
    "Sir?"
    "Oh, cut it out with that sir garbage. I'm sitting down."
    He sat and sidled up to that young one who he was clearly targeting.
    "Say, what's your name?" he said. "We all know mine."
    "I am Lulu," said the girl.
    "Pleased to meet you, Lulu. Say… you look familiar. Have you ever been in movies yourself?"
    The girl laughed, taken aback. "Oh, no Mr. Hump. I just visit here for being student. I see you in movies too."
    "Well, that's just fine. Welcome to America. Say! Have you ever seen the back of this place?"
    "The back?" she said.
    "Sure! They have a jukebox back here in the hall. Come along, I'll show you."
    Before she could say yes or no he pulled her by the hand and left the other, more homely woman behind.
    The only thing I remembered being back down that hall were the restrooms. When they had gone down there I heard the door open and then nothing for a while. I decided to go have a look and see what was up.
    The hall was empty so I went in the john and could hear voices from a stall. They hadn't heard me enter.
    "Please, Mr. Hump. Do not ask me to be here. I want to be returned to my friend."
    "It's all right, sugar. You just do as I say and you'll be in the movies too. Big time famous!"
    "Oh please, I just want to go."
    "It's all right, this'll just take a minute."
    I coughed loudly.
    "Goddamnit," I heard Bogart say.
    The stall door opened and Bogart came out and looked around, saw me, and gave me the stinkeye.
    "Welcome to the men's room," he said, stomping out. A few seconds