Savage Tales

life.
    "Well, Ace, I can understand your trepidation, and I am simply grateful that you picked me up in the first place. And I confess that I have some riveting tales from my life on the road that are sure to keep you awake. So sit back, relax – but not too much! – and I will begin to tell you the story of my life."
    I was all right with that, as all right as I could be, and I let him rattle on, scratching out his life like anyone but him and his mama would ever care, but I let him rattle on with nothing else but Willie and Merle to keep me company, and before I knew it a good hour had gone by and I was starting to think I had made a good decision in picking the kid up.
    "– and that was the last time I let my sister convince me that filling in for another girl scout was all right for a boy and that nobody would notice a thing."
    That was the last thing he said before the animal. I reckon it was a coyote or maybe a raccoon, but since I can't be a hundred percent I'll just call it an animal and leave it at that. It was eyeballing my headlights like they were the best thing since sliced bread, although I imagine that sliced bread doesn't mean much too an animal, which is just as likely to eat it sliced as any other way.
    This animal was right in the line of my tires and was set to become a road pizza. I didn't see the little guy till we were right upon it, so bedazed was I by the monotony of the hours and the monotony of Rich's story, and Rich didn't notice either till the last second on account of his looking at me while he told his story, as if there were any reason to look at me since I sure as heck wasn't looking at him, I was looking at the road, which is what I was meant to be doing. But Rich chose that moment to look away from me and back to the road, and perhaps he saw a gleam in my eye that told him that I'd seen something on the road beside the road itself, something out of the ordinary.
    So yes, I'd seen the critter, and I've seen critters in the road before. They're not the brightest minds, and what else can you do but lay on the gas and hold tight to the wheel to keep her from jerking left or right, and that's what I was set to do.
    Rich had other plans. He apparently couldn't stomach me running over a cute little desert creature, and he did one of the stupidest things I have ever known another human being to do. He grabbed my wheel, my steering wheel, on my car, him, a hitchhiker, interfering with my driving style and prerogatives like he would change the radio station or spray my car with his own brand of air freshener, all without asking. I just felt a bitter rage at such stupidity, at him, and in myself for letting the fool into my car in the first place.
    "What are you –"
    The car swerved. We hit a bump, and then we hovered a second over nothing, and then we ploughed into the gravel of a ditch and I hit the brakes.
    "The hell you think you're doing?" I said.
    "You were gonna hit it," said Rich.
    "You're damn right I was. Get out of my car."
    I turned off the engine but left the lights on. I wedged open my door as best I could, and Rich opened his and got out. I don't know what I'd intended to do if I had gotten out, but the ditch prevented that and gave me a second to cool down.
    "You want help getting her out?" said Rich.
    "No, get out of here," I said, pulling his door shut.
    I started the engine and she coughed. All that rattling wasn't so good for her. I hit the gas and she made as if to move, and I heard the wheels spinning, but nothing came of it.
    "Goddamn," I said.
    Rich stood back a few feet from the car and only looked on like a moron. I tried the gas again, tried to get her to go forward or backward, but she wasn't having it either way.
    "Damn," I said.
    "You sure you don't want help?" said Rich.
    "Get away from my car," I said.
    Willie Nelson was starting to get on my nerves so I shut the radio off. I shut the headlights and the engine off and sat there in the quiet to evaluate my options for a minute. Rich stood outside the car in the dark.
    "Get out of here," I said.
    "What?" he said. "I can't hear through the glass."
    I cracked the window and said, "Get out of here."
    "I could give her a push," said Rich. "I'm pretty sure you can get her out."
    "Wouldn't be in this pinch if it weren't for you. Don't try to make yourself handy now. I don't want nothing to do with you."
    "I'm just saying I could help. You don't have to give me a ride anymore."
    "You're damned right I don't," I