The Different Girl

couldn’t get my arms underneath to push myself up. I couldn’t move.
    “May!” I called. “May!”
    But May didn’t answer.
    “Caroline!” But Caroline was too far away, too far to even see what had happened. Irene should have sent her to look after me. I angled my head to the water. A wave broke toward me, the foam rushing up the sand. It stopped well away, but I knew the waves would just get higher. In half an hour the foam would touch my feet. Would Caroline come back in half an hour? Would she come back the same way? What if May had run to Caroline instead of going back? What if they went home through the dunes and left me?
    I shook my head. I had been hit in two places on my back—two hands. What if May pushed Caroline down as well?
    I tried to raise my knee but only dug it deeper. I lifted with my arms but my hands were pinned too far back, and it only drove my face into the sand. I called again, for May, for Caroline, for anyone who could hear.
    The waves came closer, bit by bit, drawing back and tumbling forward. I realized I was staring and shut my eyes. How long had I stared? I turned away, blinking. The beach was a slope. I remembered May’s coral, landing at my feet and rolling back.
    I rocked my body up the hill and then toward the surf. Was I too heavy? What if I couldn’t stop and rolled right into the water? But I did it again and again. Each time I rolled a little more, even though each time also dug me deeper in the sand.
    At the height of the roll I stabbed my hand out, catching my body, just balanced with my back to the rising water. I pushed, just a little more, and dredged my knee from its trough of sand. I lifted with that arm and leg and rose enough to shift my other hand. I pushed again and got the other leg beneath me and then very carefully, sand sliding from my limbs, I managed to stand.
    May wasn’t anywhere I could see. I walked as quickly as I could to find Caroline.
    • • •
    Caroline stood in the dunes, watching the wind go through the grass. She looked up when I called, and watched for the time it took me to get near.
    “You’re all sandy,” she said. “Did you fall? Did May help you? Where is she?”
    “May pushed me down,” I said.
    “Why?”
    “May is unhappy.”
    Caroline studied me closely. “That was very dangerous!”
    “I thought she might have come here.”
    “To push me, too?”
    “I didn’t know.”
    “But you’re the one who found her.”
    “I asked her what happened to Will and Cat.”
    “What did she say?”
    “That they were dead.”
    “That doesn’t mean what happened.”
    I nodded. “Robbert went to the aerial this morning, with the toolbox.”
    “Was it broken?”
    “She said Irene and Robbert don’t tell us things.”
    Caroline cocked her head. “They don’t.”
    I told Caroline about the number on Robbert’s notebook.
    “Do Robbert and Irene know?” she asked.
    “They must.”
    We stood without talking and then, even though we weren’t walking, Caroline reached out and took my hand.
    “You should tell me what you found on the beach,” I said.
    “I will,” Caroline said. “But May is coming.”
    • • •
    She walked to within five feet of where we stood and stopped. Caroline kept hold of my hand. The wind had pulled May’s hair completely loose, and it flew around her head in a cloud, but underneath I saw her face had changed and her eyes were red and wet. She crossed her arms and, ducking her face like a bird, wiped her nose on her shoulder.
    “I’m sorry,” she said.
    “What you did was extremely dangerous!” Caroline’s voice was a shout.
    “I know you’re unhappy, May,” I said.
    May sniffed and rubbed her eye. “I came back but you were gone. I’m sorry. Don’t tell them. Don’t tell or they’ll hate me even more.”
    “No one hates you, May.”
    “Unless you keep pushing people!” Caroline cried. “Because that is very serious!”
    “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”
    May sank into a squat and hugged her knees.
    “Then why did you push Veronika? Veronika found you.”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Then you have to ask yourself very hard.” Caroline’s voice was more quiet. “You have to know. And not be scared. There’s nothing here to be scared of. We’re not scared.”
    May looked up, but her eyes were far away.
    “We need to help each other, May,” I said. “We won’t say anything to Irene.”
    “In exchange for what?” May’s words were hesitant, like she