The Dinosaur Feather

cheek brushing her mother’s.
    ‘Do come in. It’s freezing outside.’
    Inside the hall Lily quickly fetched her toys from a big blue box, which she pulled out of a cupboard, and started playing.She was still in her snowsuit and woolly hat. Karen helped her out of them.
    ‘Look, this is my bed when I’m at Granny’s,’ Lily chatted. ‘And look, I’ve got dollies, too. A little dolly and a big dolly. And teddies and books.’ Karen admired everything. Anna remained in the hall. Cecilie smiled nervously.
    ‘Aren’t you going to take off your jacket?’
    ‘No, I’m not staying. There’s something I need to do. Is that okay with you, Karen?’
    Karen looked puzzled, but she nodded.
    ‘Are you still sulking?’ Cecilie wanted to know. ‘Am I still banned from helping out with Lily?’ She smiled patronisingly.
    ‘Have you spoken to Jens?’ Anna asked.
    Cecilie blinked.
    ‘I speak to Jens every day, Anna.’
    Cecilie’s gaze was expectant and a little wounded, as if she was waiting for Anna to apologise for shouting at her the other day. Anna watched her mother in silence, aware of how uncomfortable Karen was at being piggy-in-the middle. Then Karen took charge of Lily, lifted her up and carried her into the living room with a book. Cecilie suddenly looked ill-at-ease, as if she sensed that something was wrong.
    ‘I know everything, Mum,’ Anna said in a thick voice.
    Cecilie blinked again.
    ‘Sorry, what?’
    ‘I know you got post-natal depression when I was born. I know that you couldn’t look after me, that you didn’t feed me properly. I know my name used to be Sara, because Dad loved that name, I know he took care of me as best he could.I know that you came home from the hospital when I was nearly a year old, and I know that you didn’t want anyone to ever know that you had been ill. I know everything.’
    Cecilie’s jaw dropped.
    ‘I also know that you love me,’ Anna continued. ‘That you try to make up for it every day. I know that you love Lily more than anything, and I know that you’re afraid that I will fail her, as you failed me. I think you got scared when Thomas left and I was so distraught that I could barely look after her. I hit rock bottom and you thought history might repeat itself. You were afraid that I might hurt Lily, like you hurt me.’
    Cecilie had said nothing. Now she gasped for air and let out a dry, agonising howl.
    ‘But I’m not you, Mum,’ Anna said, gently. ‘I’m Anna Bella, and I’ve never been ill in the way you were. True, I struggled . . . I felt angry and impotent because Thomas had abandoned us. But I was never ill and I have never failed Lily.’ Anna fixed Cecilie with her eyes. She stepped forward, took Cecilie’s hand and pulled her towards her. Cecilie was rigid with fear and resisted, but Anna kept hugging her.
    ‘What happened was bad, Mum,’ she said into Cecilie’s hair. ‘But it happened. I can live with it. Now that I finally know,’ she added. ‘Lily loves you. You’re her granny. But don’t try to protect her from something which has nothing to do with us.’ Anna grabbed her mother’s shoulders.
    ‘Do you understand what I’m saying?’ she said, firmly.
    Cecilie’s face dissolved. She still hadn’t uttered a word. She nodded. Anna embraced her again.
    When Cecilie had composed herself, Anna kissed her daughter and Karen goodbye, gave Cecilie another hug and left.
    Anna opened the door to the Vertebrate Collection, stepped into the twilight and called out. ‘Dr Tybjerg, where are you? I need to talk to you.’
    She was impatient and when she heard a noise coming from the far end of the room, she marched directly towards it. Suddenly he appeared in front of her, just like the last time. Dark-eyed and surrounded by shadows.
    ‘Why are you shouting?’ he asked.
    ‘Why did you blackmail Professor Helland?’
    Dr Tybjerg’s eyes widened. He didn’t look like he intended to give her an answer.
    Anna leaned towards him and, very calmly, said, ‘I ought to suspect you, you know.’
    ‘Of what?’ he said, genuinely surprised.
    ‘Of killing Helland. You’re the only one I can think of who actually has a motive. You were Helland’s crown prince and now the king is dead.’
    ‘That’s utter rubbish,’ Dr Tybjerg said. ‘Lars was my friend.’
    He retreated into the darkness. Anna followed him.
    ‘But you were blackmailing him?’
    ‘The two things aren’t remotely connected,’ he said. ‘One is about