The Drop

was suddenly terrified, just that I didn’t want to go out the door. Not then, not that day, at that point.’
    ‘What? You mean you had a premonition your chute wasn’t going to open or something?’ asked Danny, ‘you thought you were going to die?’
    ‘No, nothing so… dramatic. It was more like, out of the blue, after all those jumps, it suddenly seemed…’
    ‘What?’
    ‘A bloody stupid thing to be doing.’
    ‘Christ almighty,’ said Danny laughing, ‘what did they do to you?’
    ‘Made me sit down in the plane, everybody else went out. They landed the plane and I was returned to unit.’
    ‘Just like that?’ I asked. ‘Could they not have given you a second chance to go?’
    ‘Nope, that’s the rule, if you don’t jump,’ he said, ‘there are no second chances. That’s the army.’
    ‘So is that why you left?’ Danny asked, ‘because you were RTU’d?’
    ‘Well, yes and no.’
    Danny was laughing again, ‘go on,’ he urged, ‘what happened?’
    ‘It was a while after. I think by then I’d lost my love of the army and, well, me and the missus had split up and I think I was going a bit mad at that point. Then they gave me this shitty guard duty, driving round the perimeter one Friday night and, by this point, I just really didn’t want to be there so… ’
    ‘What did you do?’ asked Danny.
    ‘I drove the jeep into the mess.’
    ‘Through the door!’ laughed Danny, his eyes like saucers.
    ‘Through the plate glass, locked, double doors and right across the room,’ we were all laughing now, ‘I cleaned out a few tables, everybody was diving out of my way. They were having curry. I remember because I knocked over a massive pan of it, it went all over the floor.’
    ‘You sure that was the curry?’ I asked.
    ‘Aye,’ said Danny, killing himself laughing now, ‘a fucking jeep’s flying straight at you across the mess hall!’ and he put a hand under his arse and made a long wet farting noise, ‘me? I’d shit all over the floor and say “it’s just the curry, honest!”.’
    ‘I bet they gave you a right kicking when the jeep finally stopped,’ I said.
    ‘There were a few harsh words exchanged,’ he admitted, ‘then they chucked me in a cell and before I knew it, I was out of the army.’
    It didn’t surprise me that Palmer had done a little time. They reckon about ten per cent of the prison population is ex-forces. Of course, you don’t see that statistic on the recruitment posters.
    You always need a bit of luck. I don’t care who you are or how clever you think you might be, if you don’t get the breaks it won’t make any difference. Look at any sportsman, general, politician or rock star. They’ll all tell you it started because they got a break. The next morning we finally got ours.
    I was a bit hungover after my evening with Danny and Palmer, so I arrived at the gym late in the afternoon. I’d been varying my time since the attack, to make it harder for any one to pick up my routine. I’d seen this pasty, grey-haired bloke once before while I was down there. He was sitting on a lounger by the pool while I was doing my lengths. Then another time he was in the café when I came out and I noticed he’d chosen the one seat that looked directly onto the exit door of the men’s changing rooms. When I looked over he looked away.
    Now he was here again. I was on one of the benches in the changing room and, as soon as I saw him, I just knew he wasn’t legit. He studiously ignored me as he walked in and opened a locker, then started to undress for the pool. It was hard to explain why but it was a combination of instinct and common sense. When you walk into a public room, the first thing you do is clock who’s in there already. You quickly glance at them and they look back at you, to make sure you don’t represent a threat to them. It’s a primeval instinct, Desmond Morris-style behaviour. We can’t help ourselves then we quickly look away, so as not to challenge the other person. No one likes it if you look at them for too long. Hence the standard, it’s about to kick off phrase of ‘What you looking at?’
    The thing is, this guy didn’t do any of that. As soon as his tubby body rounded the corner, my eyes went to him automatically but he made sure he was looking the other way right from the off. I could have been a knife wielding hoody for all he knew but he just didn’t take me in and that wasn’t right. I’d varied my routine and this was