The Guardian

things. She knew that what Gil was doing wasn’t right. She was scared and alone and didn’t know what to do. She was afraid that her mother would hate her and accuse her of trying to take Gil away from her. She tried to convince herself it wasn’t her fault. That Gil had come to her first. She knew better. She’s the one that had let him do these things to her. It was all her fault for even letting him do these things.
    It was eerily fun at first. The things he had done made her feel special. It wasn’t long before it got really, scary. He started doing things she didn’t like. He would do disgusting things and he would threaten her. It wasn’t fun anymore. Therefore, it was her fault. She didn’t make him stop when he first started.
    Amber sat on the bench in the park, her thoughts running through her mind. She softly sobbed to herself not knowing what she could do. She felt so helpless. She wished she could only find that stranger. They talked about him in the news all the time. The one they called a vigilante or whatever. He would help her.
    That’s how she knew that what Gil was doing wasn’t right. She read the stories of how he would go after the people who abused children. She was old enough to know that what Gil was doing was wrong. Her friends would talk. She knew that some of the kids were already sexually active. This was different. Gil was a grown man. He seemed so nice. He was so understanding and caring at first. She just didn’t know how she had let it get started to begin with, and worse, how she was going to be able to stop it. She sobbed harder now, confused, scared, and lost in her whirlpool of torment and torture that was so out of control.
    Amber wasn’t even aware of the people that walked past her. Other children played and ran around her screaming and chasing each other as though they were very unaware of her existence.
    It was as though she were invisible to them. Of course she didn’t care, she really wasn’t even aware of them either. She was so lost in her own thoughts trying desperately to find a way out of her dilemma. She kept wishing, and praying to God that he would somehow show her a way to find this stranger, this man, the only one who would understand and could help her.
    Her mother had asked her if she was all right. She knew something was wrong but she just couldn’t find the strength or the courage to tell her. Amber had been lucky so far. She had thrown away the panties that had yellow semen stains on them so her mother wouldn’t know about them. Gil had made her use them to clean him up. That really had scared her. She didn’t know how she’d ever explain that to her mother.
    The doctor’s appointment was the worst. He had asked her all these questions. Of course, she had denied everything. She said that she was worried about school, just kid stuff. She had to explain that no, she didn’t do drugs or drink. That was silly, her mother would surely know if she did, or at least she thought she would.
    They had taken some blood and urine samples and would run tests. She knew they wouldn’t find anything. That wasn’t what was wrong. It wasn’t any sickness. It was Gil. The lab people wouldn’t be able to find that. She didn’t know what she would do. She thought about running away, but where would she go. She had no money. Her friend’s mothers were friends with her mother so that wouldn’t work. Anyway, they’d only make her go home and then things would just be worse. That was over a year ago. Things were getting worse now.
    Oh God she thought, what was she going to do. She was so tired all the time. She would lie awake at night, listening, waiting, then she’d hear the footsteps, the creak of the door, her heart would stop. She would know what was about to happen. She’d pray, “Please, no, please, not again, please.” God never answered her. He didn’t answer because she was doing something wrong. He must be punishing her. It was her fault. That’s why God ignored her. She was starting to loose her faith in him. Why wouldn’t he answer her? It went on and on. Gil would come in; make her do what she had to do. When he was finished with her, he would quietly go back to his room and she would roll over and cry herself to sleep.
    If she only knew how to find the stranger, they talked about in the paper. That was her only hope. What would she do? Oh God, she felt so helpless and all alone.
    Chapter 33
    “Well Ms. Cartwright, I’ve spoken with