The Last Dark: The climax of the entire Thomas Covenant Chronicles (Last Chronicles of Thomas Cove)

friends at the same time.
    “Now I don’t want any more secrets. I kept mine too long, and I finally learned something about them.”
    While he stared at her, she told him the truth as if she were tearing away the scab from an unhealed wound.
    “They feel like they protect us—like we don’t have to be ashamed of our secrets, or ashamed of ourselves, as long as no one knows about them. We tell ourselves that we’re doing the right thing by keeping them. But that isn’t true. Mostly we keep them because we don’t trust the people who love us. And
that’s
just another way of saying that we don’t trust ourselves. We really
are
ashamed. We think that we’re at fault and we’re going to be condemned, or that we’re weak when everyone else is strong, or that we actually deserve to be in pain and alone.
    “My secrets were different than yours,” she confessed. “Of course they were. They’re probably even more shameful. And they hurt everything and everyone that I love.”
    Every death caused by the Worm, every instance of destruction, was her doing: the loss of the sun; the reaving of the heavens. She was only able to live with that fact because Covenant loved her—and because her son’s mind had been restored—and because she had friends. And because she did not know what else she could have done.
    In spite of Jeremiah’s defenses, she reached him. She felt his sudden uncertainty—his alarm—as if it were physically solid. In some ways, he was indeed younger than his years. Hearing his mother accuse herself made him feel threatened. For years, she had been his foundation. Now he could not be sure of her.
    “Like what?” he asked in a taut voice. “What did you keep secret?”
    From his perspective, there were too many possibilities. Most of them had the power to undermine him.
    Linden did not hesitate; but she could not keep the harshness out of her voice, the implied savagery.
    “Resurrecting Thomas. I knew that I was going to break every Law the Earth absolutely needs to survive, but I kept what I had in mind to myself.” —
compelled by rage, and contemptuous of consequence
. “I made sure that no one had a chance to stop me. Now it isn’t just the world that’s doomed. As soon as the Worm gets to the EarthBlood, Lord Foul will be able to escape.
    “
I
did that, Jeremiah.
    “But I didn’t keep what I was going to do secret because I wanted those things to happen. I didn’t think about the danger at all. I kept it secret because I was afraid that my friends would interfere. I didn’t trust them enough to believe that they would understand, or that they would still be my friends if they knew the truth. And I felt that way because I was ashamed. I was ashamed of not protecting you from Roger in the first place. I was ashamed of letting him and the
croyel
trick me.
    “We’re in this mess right now because I kept secrets.”
    Jeremiah nodded, but he seemed unaware of his own response. His eyes were full of dismay. He sounded small and inexpressibly forlorn as he admitted, “I hate what’s happened to me. I hate how
dirty
the
croyel
made me feel. I could hide from the pain. I knew how to do that.” He had concealed himself for most of his life. “But I couldn’t hide from all that sneering.
    “And I hated the way it made me hurt you. I couldn’t prevent anything. I hated being too weak to stop it. I wanted to hurt myself, not you.” Under
Melenkurion
Skyweir, he had stabbed her hand—“But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”
    Facing his unshielded need, Linden fought down her yearning to put her arms around him. He was both a child and a young man; but it was the young man who most needed her succor. The child understood too well how to bury himself away. The young man was the Jeremiah who would have to face what was coming. And that Jeremiah would not be consoled by hugs.
    But he was not done. As if he were cutting himself, he said, “Then Kastenessen took me, and I was helpless again. He reached out and
took
me like I was nothing. Good for nothing. Useless. And I felt how he felt. He burned every nerve in my whole body until I thought I loved it. I thought it made sense.
    “I’m ashamed of
that
. I
should
be. I wanted him
dead
—I want Lord Foul
dead
—so I don’t have to be ashamed anymore. And I don’t want to talk about it because talking just makes it more real. It just tells everybody how useless I am.”
    For a moment, Linden could not respond. Kastenessen had