The Last Hero

rather amusing... I had this idea of putting food in tubes, you see, so that it could be squeezed out and eaten neatly in weightless conditions and, er, because we didn't tie everything down, er, I'm afraid my box of paints came open and the tubes got, er, confused, so what Mr Rincewind thought was broccoli and ham turned out to be Forest Green... er."
    "Let me speak to Captain Carrot, will you?"
    "I'm afraid that is not entirely convenient at the moment," said Leonard, his face clouded with concern.
    "Why? Did he have the broccoli and ham too?"
    "No, he had the Cadmium Yellow." There was a yelp and a series of clangs somewhere behind Leonard. "On the brighter side, however, I can report that the Mk II privy appears to function perfectly ."
    The Kite , in its headlong plunge, curved back towards the Rimfall. Now the water was a great tumbling cloud of mist.
    Captain Carrot hovered in front of a window, taking pictures with the iconograph.
    "This is amazing ," he said. "I'm sure we'll find the answers to some questions that have puzzled mankind for millennia."
    "Good. Can you get this frying pan off my back?" said Rincewind.
    "Um," said Leonard.
    It was a sufficiently troubling syllable for the others to look at him.
    "We seem to be, er, losing air rather faster than I thought," said the genius. "But I'm sure the hull isn't any leakier than I allowed for. And we seem to be falling faster, according to Mr Stibbons. Uh... it's a little difficult to piece it all together, of course, because of the uncertain effects of the Disc's magical field. Um... we should be all right if we wear our helmets all the time..."
    "There's plenty of air nearer to the world, isn't there?" said Rincewind. "Can't we just fly into it and open a window?"
    Leonard stared mournfully into the mists that filled half of their view.
    "We are, er, moving very fast," he said, slowly. "And air at this speed... air is... the thing about air... tell me, what do you understand by the words "shooting star"?"
    "What is that supposed to mean?" Rincewind demanded.
    "Um... that we die an immensely horrible death."
    "Oh, that ," said Rincewind.
    Leonard tapped a dial on one of the tanks of air. "I really don't think my calculations were that wro—"
    Light exploded into the cabin.
    The Kite rose through tendrils of mist.
    The crew stared.
    "No one will ever believe us," said Carrot, eventually. He raised his iconograph towards the view and even the imp inside, which belonged to a species that was seldom impressed with anything, said "Gosh!" in a tiny voice as it painted furiously.
    "I don't believe this," said Rincewind, "and I'm seeing it."
    A tower, an immensity of rock, rose from the mist. And looming over the mist, huge as worlds, the backs of four elephants. It was like flying through a cathedral, thousands of miles high.
    "It sounds like a joke," Rincewind babbled, "elephants holding up the world, hahaha... and then you see it..."
    "My paints, where are my paints ... ?" mumbled Leonard.
    "Well, some of them are in the privy," said Rincewind.
    Carrot turned, and looked puzzled. The iconograph floated away, trailing small curses.
    "And where's my apple?" he said.
    "What?" said Rincewind, perplexed at the sudden subject of fruit.
    "I'd just started eating an apple, and I just rested it in the air... and it's gone ."
    The ship creaked in the glaring sunlight.
    And an apple core came tumbling gently through the air.
    "I suppose there are just the three of us aboard?" said Rincewind innocently.
    "Don't be silly," said Carrot. "We're sealed in!"
    "So... your apple ate itself?"
    They looked at the jumble of bundles held in the webbing behind them.
    "I mean, call me Mr Suspicious," said Rincewind, "but if the ship is heavier than Leonard thought, and we're using up more air, and food is vanishing —"
    "You're not suggesting that there's some kind of monster floating around below the Rim that can bore into wooden hulls, are you?" said Carrot, drawing his sword.
    "Ah, I hadn't thought of that one," said Rincewind. "Well done."
    "Interesting," said Leonard. "It would be, perhaps, a cross between a bird and a bivalve. Somewhat squid-like, possibly, using jets of —"
    "Thank you, thank you, thank you, yes!"
    Carrot pulled out a roll of blankets and tried to look back along the cabin.
    "I think I saw something move," he said. "Just behind the air reservoirs..."
    He ducked under a bundle of skis and disappeared into the shadows.
    They heard him groan.
    "Oh,