The Lost Boy

the stares around me. I swallowed hard. “Gosh, John … I really don’t think we oughta …”
    As John’s face turned red, he punched me in the arm. “Hey, man, you said you wanted to be
my
friend and join
my
gang, didn’t you?”
    Some of them began to close in around me. The two other boys nodded in approval.
    “Yeah, man, all right. I’ll do it.
But,
after that, I’m in the gang, and I don’t have to do anything like this again,
right?”
I said in a broken voice, as fear overtook my weak efforts to sound tough.
    John slapped the back of my shoulder. “See, I told ya! The kid’s all right!”
    I narrowed my eyes and tightened my face. I became cold inside. “Let’s do it!” I said in my new macho voice.
    John led me to a brand new, light yellow sedan. He nodded at me as he eased himself away from the scene of the crime. The two other boys giggled as they followed their leader.
    I let out a deep breath and knelt down, not believing what I was about to do. I could feel my heart race. I wanted to stand up and run away, but I shook it off.
Come on!
I yelled at myself.
Just do it! Come on!
    I scanned the area before I tried to unscrew the cap to the tyre stem. After a few seconds my fingers began to tremble, and I still had not removed the rubber cap. I felt as if every eye were on me, as the sounds of other people slamming their car doors echoed above my head.
    Finally, the black cap fell onto the ground. Immediately I snatched a pencil from my back pocket. I turned behind me and met John’s eyes. His face was tight, and he raised his eyebrows telling me how disappointed he was with my performance. John then mouthed, “Come on, move it!”
    I took a quick breath before I jammed the end of the pencil into the stem of the tyre. The air seemed to explode as it howled out of the tiny opening. I knew that everyone could hear what I was doing. I hesitated for a second as I searched for John, who nodded for me to continue. A blanket of fear seemed to cover me.
No!
I yelled at myself.
This is totally wrong!
On purpose I snapped the end of my pencil, stood up and walked past John, who dared me to finish the job. I brushed past him as I made my way out of the parking lot. John and the
gang
taunted me all the way down the street, until they turned the corner to John’s house.
    The next day, John’s razzing continued. In the schoolyard, without warning, he shoved me to the ground. As I got up, a small circle formed. “Fight! Fight!” they chanted. I kept my head down as I tried to break through the crowd. A round of insults flew above me.
    Within minutes, the entire school seemed to know that I had betrayed John and his gang. I felt a coldness that was worse than the one at Thomas Edison Elementary School.
    The next morning, I made a string of excuses to Lilian about how I felt too sick to go to school. I never told her about John or my social problems at school. If I did, I knew Rudy and Ms Gold would be furious.
    After a few weeks of the cold shoulder, I apologized to John
and
his gang. As a way of showing my friendship, I presented John with a carton of Marlboro cigarettes I had stolen the day before. “All right, kid, ” John smiled. “The boys and I forgive your weakness,
but
you still have to be initiated into our group.”
    I nodded to myself as my mind replayed all the stories I had heard about John punching and kicking the two other boys of his gang until they fell to the ground. I saw myself with a bloody face, broken glasses and smashed-in teeth. I stared into his eyes, giving him my tough-guy look. “Okay man, I can handle it!” I said smoothly.
    “No man, ” John said as he showed off his unlit cigarette. “I’ve got something special for you. Listen carefully. I’m tired of Mr Smith. He thinks he’s so tough ‘cause he’s the teacher. He wrote a letter to my mother, and because of him she’s on my ass. So … I say … let’s burn down his class!”
    My mouth fell open. “Nah, man, you, ah … can’t be serious?”
    “Hey, I’m not saying you got to do it. I’m just saying I need you to be the lookout for me, that’s all. I can’t count on those two wusses. They’re wimps. But you … you’ve got guts.” Suddenly John’s voice changed. “And if you ever fink on me, I will stomp all over you.” A split second later he changed his tone back again. “Hey man, don’t sweat it. I’m not talking about doing it today. Just be there when I need ya. All right?”
    “Yeah,